I hope ya'll were right

[Jack_Three_Beans]

So I'm working on detatching

...So I asked, "so does he stay over there when she is gone?"...so I have the scenario played out that the next three days are likely to be snow days, my kids over there, she and him hangning out playing surrogate parents while the wife goes away... she is distant and non-communicative because she knows that I will know what is going on.

You're going to have work harder at dettaching.

We (LBSers) tend to ask the questions we really do not want the answers to. Its like we secretly hope for a 'good' answer, but even when we get that or one that isn't so bad, it is 'obviously' a lie.

These are simply TRICK questions, there is no correct answer.
The MLCer loses, and so does the LBS who asks them.

but how do I deal with her wanting to sortof "reconnect" with me while all of this stuff is going on with the so called OM's kids, my kids, all of that stuff

My personal take?
SHE DOES want to reconnect with you. However she is keeping her saftey net OM. She WANTS to reconnect with you, she is MLC and makes poor choices. Horrible choices in fact. Be her white knight for now, be the better option. Stop making her feel like crap, stop giving her the reasons not to call you.

and I'm stuck down here 4 hours away.

Choice. Live with it or change it.

I have to just take it? Act nice on the phone all the time no matter what...

No matter what? No...not no matter what.
But right now she is not giving you any reason to be dim dark.
Tell you what...
You interupt them having sex while your kids are sleeping in another bedroom, maybe then you should be a dikc and go dark.
But right now?
You have no proof except for the monsters in your head.
And to treat her poorly because of that is simple miscommunication and bad relationship tactics.

even when it seemsshe may be lying?

Glad you said it that way, and is pretty telling.