It is SO hard not to "rescue" our kids, isn't it? Even when we know it's best for them?
It's like when they were babies, crying in their crib. The books and the pediatrician and all the "experts" can tell you to "let him cry himself to sleep," and of course they're right, but it STILL tears your heart apart to listen to them cry!
This was just the first stab at it. I think you'll hear him start to beg to come home within the next two months. Hold the line when that happens for a while.
He needs to learn. In the second month you can start firing little 'truth darts' at him. e.g. "How can I believe you... you said you hate me." ..... "But what about how fantastic dad is?" ... etc.
I know you'll handle it with finesse and you're going to have to let him WORK towards returning home. e.g. "You know there is some truth to what you said... you seem to listen to dad. You never listened to me..."
Heck, I shouldn't have to tell you how to guilt him into wanting to return home. Women are natural talents at throwing truth darts. Us men are way far behind you on that scale.
(((( Serenity )))) I'm so happy to hear you are doing so well.
Just wanted to say I have been reading along your posts and admiring how you are getting through the worst of situations so well.
Serenity, you are doing great with your S.
Gardener, I can only hope for the detachment and "done with it"feelings you have. Of course, if X keeps behaving as he is, it will be easier to get to that state!
I do want to be helpful and post to the newcomers--my heart breaks every time I see a new name with recent "registered" date, but I don't feel I have anything helpful to offer. Do you think just a "welcome, sorry you are here?" is enough?
I want to return some of the massive amounts of good karma that others have been pouring on to me.
So--here are best wishes to you all. I'll keep checking in.
Me: 44 Him: 42 Together: 23 years; never married Bomb: August 1, 2009 Affair since May 2009 Walk away; no conversation; no process
When I first posted as a newcomer, any and all posts were most welcomed whether it is was advice or just a virtual hug. Just because you may not have advice doesn't mean a heartfelt welcome will be overlooked.
And just so you know, I have been silently following your thread too.
Mo3
Me & H: 33 yrs S: 4 & 6 D: 2 M: 9 yrs ILYBNILWY: 8/09 SEPARATED: 9/09 The Beginning
A simple "Hi, welcome, sorry you are here etc..." would work...At least they are begin acknowledged...There are times when even after being here for quite some time, I just can't find any words of encouragement so I just welcome them. I appreciate your kind words as well and I am still following along with your posts. Thank you for the best wishes and right back to you.
(((Hugs)))
May All Who Seek To Take My Life Be Put To Shame And Confusion; May All Who Desire My Ruin Be Turned Back In Disgrace. ~Psalm 40:14~
I agree with your words and I am gearing myself up for it...I know there may be some begging, whining etc...However I need him to learn that going back and forth just to satisfy himself isn't going to happen.
I don't want to guilt him into doing it though...I want him to want to come home however it won't be on his terms.
That is what I need him to understand.
May All Who Seek To Take My Life Be Put To Shame And Confusion; May All Who Desire My Ruin Be Turned Back In Disgrace. ~Psalm 40:14~
