Next steps

[avermont]

Hey,Puppy, thanks for stopping by. Those words were good to hear.

LFA--I'll try to keep my posts about "next steps" "house" over here, rather than in your "scared, need advice" thread. If I have to guess, I guess you are no longer so scared, anyhow!

And thanks so much for your detailed update, LFA. It really helps.

OK. Met with top lawyer today.

This case would be decided as a Vermont Partition Case. More of a Business Partnership being divided, as we were not married.

Of course the (3) options of he buys me out; I buy him out; sell to 3rd party.

It would be best, as PH and LFA say, and I agree, if the house went to a 3rd party. Then I don't have the psychic pain of X and OW living there, or feelings of lost/won.

He will NEVER agree to my buying him out.

L suggested I respond to his proposal with a counter-proposal: I offer you the same terms. If we can't agree, I suggest we sell to 3rd party.

If it goes to court, or 3rd party, it will be tons of $. It will become sort of like the US/USSR arms race--who goes bankrupt first?

L counseled me to think about asking X for a lot more $: said it would hurt in the short term, but in the long term I would be laughing my way to the bank.

The b**ch of it is, my main issue with him having the house is OW. With time, I will heal, disengage, etc, but I am not there yet.

The second issue is the fear I have already mentioned, that X will move into an apt as soon as it is available.

With PH's prodding to remember PDT's advice:imagine the worst and how would you handle it? I have thought:

If he does that, I will have to move out of the main house. He will then move into main house with OW, and our current sitch will be reversed.

But, there would be no reason I couldn't still continue the case in court.

So the final outcome would still be decided the same way. I would just have the heartache and inconvenience of finding an apt. to live in.

Fortunately, had an appt. with C right after L. Cried a lot. She did support the idea I had of calling an intervention.

What do people hear think about my contacting some of our mutual guy friends, and asking them to talk to X? Beat some compassion into him? He respects these guys, and certainly hasn't seen them socially since this all went down.

I would ask them to ask him to consider backing off on the house; giving me more time. I know he won't consider selling to me or to a 3rd party without a court order. MAYBE his friends could convince him to start a new life with a new house with the new babe if the house went to a 3rd party. But I doubt it.

Either X is massively clueless, or horribly cruel. If he is clueless, perhaps friends could clue him in. If he is cruel..well, he is not the guy we all thought we knew.

So my next steps:
draft a counter proposal.
My L will talk to her partners and see if there is anecdotal stories of how VT Partition Cases have been decided.
I will ask my L cousin if he can research VT. Partition Cases for me, to save the cost of the L. My L here said that was OK to do.
Poll you guys on whether or not to talk to friends about intervening.
Try very hard to remember it is about what is best for me. Must finish this up with integrity. Must not be some horrible, vengeance-driven, court-case filing, person. Must find out what is the RIGHT thing to do, and do it.

And have a drink tonight after yoga.

Thanks, all!