Hmm sorry sis, No contact is a bad excuse for not asking for the decree... So is your C's suggestion. I thought you were not doing MC, she is there to help you... Anyway, just saying, between us, we need to accept reality for what it is. No judging, no 2x4s, just thinking out loud... xxx K
I'm going to bring out a 2x4 (mostly because it is something I need to hear myself).
Do you want to be married to Dan as he is now? Seriously just as things are now, do you want to stay married?
I can understand if he were to get some help for his issues and want to change, then you all might choose to get back together. But as Dan is right now, do you want to continue to be married to him?
Also isn't that a simple question your L could answer about what happens if Dan does not sign the papers?
Me 54 DS19 and DS17 Married 06/1989 Divorced 01/2011
Since you filed and are the petitioner, the respondent (Dan) usually has to file a response within a certain time frame or the court will have the default judgment be what is in your petition.
I think your C is wrong to tell you to hold up the legal proceedings. Maybe you lead her to believe that you still wanted to save your M.
You need to have better communication with your L. We cant give you good legal advice as it differs between states, counties and judicial districts. I am sure your L can make this move forward without Dan's cooperation.
I think it depends on the state, or even the city. I know in El Paso it can potentially sit on the docket for years.
Of course, if you want Dan to sign, you could tell him that they will dismiss within 30 days, and you would have to start all over. Might light a fire under his a$$.
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
<<Haven't heard much from Dan. He stopped by for 10 seconds on Sunday to pick up a sander he left in my garage, for working on his house. Then last night he called to see if the tile guys came for the basement--they did!
And then he said, "I know you guys have swimming lessons, I need to work on my house and then I have to go back up to Omaha to pick up a customer from the airport"...
I said, "That's fine, it's my day"....I mean, I don't need his schedule!>>
<<I could just text Dan, "I need the decree signed and returned", but I have been going no-contact.>>
You are stalling BBJ....hoping for a miracle.....that is your choice...you just do not want the divorce. Your head tells you one thing and your heart something else....Nothing wrong with that...you can wait (for him to change) until the cows come home (no pun intended) if that is what YOU think you need to do.
I texted him that I needed the decree back or we risk them dropping the case...
He replied,
"How late can we vote tonight?"
(Big school levy vote tonight, last year it ended in a tie so we didn't get funding...)
WTF??
Then,
"Why wud case be dropped"
I replied, "It has been five months since I filed, you haven't signed, it's time"
I really didn't want to have to pursue this through the courts since it will be MY money going to MY attorney to push it through if he doesn't sign. And our decree says we will each pay our own legal costs, which means his=none.
Guess it is time to call the attorney in the morning and find out how we do the hearing thing to get a default judgement.
John, you are right, he doesn't show any attempt to set things right. So my head overrules my heart and needs to finish this. I just wish my heart would shut the heck up already...cause it knows the truth too.
Stay calm BBJ....push for the divorce....do what you know needs to be done. This has gone on long enough. If by some minor miracle somewhere down the road, Dan sees the light AND YOU decide to give it another shot, fine. For the time beeing, it apears to be an open and shut case....DO IT.
Don't misunderstand me BBJ, I know this is difficult. We all wrestle with certain feelings once in a while. I am no exception...however my head knows what is right and where I should be going. Sure, it is the more romantic thing to say "follow your heart". But eventually we have to come to certain realizations. We need to move on with our lives. If I were to be totally truthfull, I would say that the majority of us on this site hang on way too long for our own good. Hypothetical sitch, Dan (or my XW)say tommorow that they want back in. With all the crap they put us through, what are our real chances of success. Sure, if they repent and go back to who they were when we fell in love....what are the chances of that happening.... I better go buy a lottery ticket!
It seems the only way he is going to make any movement towards finalizing a D is if it is going to hurt him financially. Let your L turn the legal heat up some and get er done.
I know it is a divorce busting web site, but I think that I can speak for John, Mike and myself..."Come on in to the pool - the water is fine".
