i guess i need to set up more boundaries with my mom, but even if i say, mom, i don't want to talk about my M or anything that's going on with my H, she just ignores me and does it anyway. well, let me just say this one thing. i understand that she is just worried and wants to look out for me, but it doesn't help me ONE BIT to talk to her and listen to her go on and on about what H needs to do, what i need to do, how i'm going to start my life over...
i'm just venting, but...SHE IS MAKING ME CRAZY!
DB your Mom.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Boundaries (aka Morals aka Principles aka Code of honor aka etc) are things that define how you live your life and how you allow others to influence your life.
They are good things to have.
M:11 | T:12 | Status: Married 4C's of WAS communication: Cool, Calm, Collected and CONFIDENT
Boundaries are good to have...sometimes I think my mom stresses me out more than my H.
Have a meeting tomorrow evening with the divorce support group I joined...it's moderated by a family lawyer, so she dishes out free legal advice to the group, as well as the support I'll get from other people there going through the same thing I am. Should be interesting. Still no mention of any legal papers by my H.
His letter said he does love me, but doesn't know if that makes a strong marriage. I don't even know how to respond to that...of course love isn't enough. But isn't it the foundation you build eveything else on?
Me30 H29 M2.5 T5 H moved out 1/23/2010 H wants signed agreement 3/30/2010 ...feeling hopeless
But isn't it the foundation you build eveything else on?
Perhaps he is really saying he isn't sure if the arguments & differeces have reduced "I love you and need you in my life" to "I love you and it is fun to see you from time to time". Both are love, but differing kinds.
Can you build a M on both of these, I know I have done it on the 2nd one, but do YOU want to? If he isn't sure, do your best to help him decide...worrying will only get you down.
everyone keeps asking me if i want to work things out or if i'm only saying that because i don't want to get a D. i've thought about it a lot over the last few weeks, what do i REALLY want? do i think my H is the only man on earth who i could ever love and who could ever make me happy? certainly not. i know that if this did end in D, it might take a while, but i'll find someone else eventually. but as long as i am still married, and as long as there is a chance that we can build on the foundation of the love we have for one another...then i have to say yes, that's what i want. as far as helping him decide, all i can do is show him my best self because i can't make up his mind for him. but it's hard to show someone your best self when they have you so confused you don't know which way is up!
Me30 H29 M2.5 T5 H moved out 1/23/2010 H wants signed agreement 3/30/2010 ...feeling hopeless
wow...what a long night. but i woke up this morning, knowing that my H was not next to me in bed - ever since he left i've been waking up slightly confused, wondering where he was. but not today. it's been so hard not to email or text him at all, but he has contacted me several times in the last few days.
on the day he moved out, he sent me a text saying "i can't breathe. i am so sad and sorry." my heart breaks, but at the same time, this is what HE wanted, this is what HE felt like he needed to do. he did take a bunch of our wedding photos with him. and my favorite framed picture of the dog. but. i guess i have the dog to look at in person, so...i won't complain.
Me30 H29 M2.5 T5 H moved out 1/23/2010 H wants signed agreement 3/30/2010 ...feeling hopeless
everyone keeps asking me if i want to work things out or if i'm only saying that because i don't want to get a D. i've thought about it a lot over the last few weeks, what do i REALLY want? do i think my H is the only man on earth who i could ever love and who could ever make me happy? certainly not.
This is true, no getting around it and it is a step in the process we all have gone, or are going, or need to realize in this process.
Originally Posted By: trytryagain
i know that if this did end in D, it might take a while, but i'll find someone else eventually. but as long as i am still married, and as long as there is a chance that we can build on the foundation of the love we have for one another...then i have to say yes, that's what i want.
And that is why you are HERE. If you didn't have this thought process and dedication, you wouldn't be here.
Originally Posted By: trytryagain
as far as helping him decide, all i can do is show him my best self because i can't make up his mind for him. but it's hard to show someone your best self when they have you so confused you don't know which way is up!
Ok part of this is not so good. Realizing that you cannot make up his mind for him is exactly right. The rest of it -" having you so confused" isn't so good.
To me as I read today's post you took two steps forward and one step back. Does it happen? Hell Ya - but do you see it?
M43 W43 D11 S7 M18 T20 WAW is back & trying (no she was lying) Close to callin' it busted but.... watching Whatever the outcome - It was a choice.
OB- i feel like a lot of my days are 2 steps forward, 1 step back. i'm aware of the setbacks and resolve myself to keep moving forward.
i do know that i can't control what he says or does, nor can i make up his mind in any way. what i meant was it's hard for me to show him my best self, the upbeat, happy, positive, new me when one minute he KNOWS he wants to separate and the next, he's not so sure (but he still moved out). everyone on this site is dealing with a lot of ups and downs in their marriages. i guess the back and forth of it all leaves me more confused about how HE feels. i know how i feel and i know what i want. his actions don't confuse the fact that i want to work on our M. they just confuse me in terms of what he wants. regardless, i should probably always be my best self around him, but it's a lot easier when he's distant and unfeeling as opposed to when he's crying about how lost and alone he feels. does that make sense?
Me30 H29 M2.5 T5 H moved out 1/23/2010 H wants signed agreement 3/30/2010 ...feeling hopeless
what i meant was it's hard for me to show him my best self, the upbeat, happy, positive, new me when one minute he KNOWS he wants to separate and the next, he's not so sure (but he still moved out). everyone on this site is dealing with a lot of ups and downs in their marriages. i guess the back and forth of it all leaves me more confused about how HE feels.
Just to pipe in...I think that he and you should expect the occasional lapse - you were close partners for 5 years and the S has just really hit home.
2 forward - 1 back = still forward...! I was mulling over his text you sent, "I can't breath...". This suggests that regardless of the end result, at least now he seems to know you are important to him. You are doing something right towards saving your M.
