I hear what you are saying. Keep my expectations at zero. The biggest thing right now for me is I am scared for her.
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W is so depressed she has been thinking about committing suicide. She won't take antidepressants because she is afraid they will cause her to kill herself. At this point I am calmly going off the deep end.
So sorry - I can imagine hearing your wife say those things would be incredibly hard. And as much as you don't want to hear them, maybe it is a good thing you know the extent of her depression. I wouldn't push anything, but she knows you know and you would be there to help and support her if/when she asks for it. I think it is great that she is reaching out to you and letting you inside her head a little bit, and even asking you for help (like getting her stuff from school).
Your W sounds way down near the bottom. You never know what is going on until it is over. The moment by moment stuff is just that - and you're doing a great job within those lines.
The closer to the bottom, the darker and depressing life is. On the upside, she avoids meds known to increase dark thoughts in teenagers. I believe adults can also be at risk so be careful.
If she's talking, that may be good. She's reaching out and sharing. Silence can be worse. Let her talk even if it's hard to hear. Be her rock. As a friend, learn about living with depression. Look for ideas like creating daily routine, being around people in a safe situations, eating healthy, physical excersise or exertion. Sunbeams.
If she's not comfortable with MC, ask your C what is best way to help her find relief. She needs a C that doesn't fold the tent and throw in the D towel the minute a client says that is the solution.
Does your W think the M is her biggest burden, and D is her best hope? You know better, but she doesn't. Be strong and take care of yourself.
Jack, can I ask you a question? I am going to anyway.
I VERY much like that.
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How do you know that your wife has completed her journey and that she will not go back at some future date. Especially when entering menopause or maybe the death of her parents.(assuming they are still alive).
Drew answered it the best.
I don't.
But that doesn't stop me from loving her. It doesn't make me hold anything back. If you are in love, you are in love. PERIOD. If you aren't...if you are hedging a bet, why the F are you married to that person?
If my wife came home tomorrow and said it was over, I'd be pissed but fine. I wouldn't be posting here I'll tell you that much. To me everyone gets one big F up.
I do not think your question is really about how do I know...but more like what would I do, right?
Well, right now the world is my oyster. If my wife rents property in Crazyville again, the world is still my oyster, I'm just paying single fares. : )
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
Why would you waste your energy by worrying what may or may not happen at some future date.
I see it like this. You never know what's going to happen. I could die tomorrow. I wouldn't want to have wasted those moments worrying when I could have used those moments to love.
Took my W to clean out her classroom tonight. She said she had 6 or 7 boxes. Well its a good thing we took the van because 25 boxes later plus a little refrigerator and we were done. The we went to the diner to eat. Only one small outburst when I asked her if she was OK. The rest of the night was OK, other than her being very much down in the dumps. She agreed to go to see the high school play tomorrow night with me(Lost in Yonkers). It will be our first date in months. But I really have zero expectations she is so depressed, it is really sad. Oh and "we" are going to a friends house on Sunday for the SuperBowl. I guess I will see how long all this lasts.
She got fired from her job. Claims it was a set up, and I somewhat agree. However she probably was displaying some wild antics during the summer that led to this. Now she can't remember what happened so it must be someone else's fault right?
OP, I'm sorry your wife was fired...it's enough to depress someone when this happens. It's good that she is talking. Listen, listen and listen to what she's saying. Validate whenever you can, but do not try to fix her situation. She has to do this for herself. Her depression has deepened a bit and she's bouncing back and forth towards the darker, deeper depression. I know that you'll be there for her and will help her if she should ask.
It's good that you are going out on a "first date". This may help her. Being friends on Sunday will be good as well. Keep yourself on the no expectations trail for now.
The most important thing....take care of yourself!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
But that doesn't stop me from loving her. It doesn't make me hold anything back. If you are in love, you are in love. PERIOD. If you aren't...if you are hedging a bet, why the F are you married to that person?
Aw Jack.. You are a good man. And your W is a lucky woman to have you.
Pilot, you are too. You are doing great at being there for your W.
"Success is the sum of small efforts, repeated day in and day out." Robert Collier
"One's best success often comes after their greatest disappointments." Henry Ward Beecher
