Some of this is coming from my gut, We spoke this morning at 4am. She told me about her trip to the lawyer. We spoke about our kids. Our parents. I think she is slowly coming out of her depression. It is just hard to know which person is going to show up each day.
I had a great weekend. Swim meet on Friday and Sunday, went to visit my cousins on Saturday with my D23.
My father was diagnosed on Friday with Parkinsons disease. He will go soon for a PET scan to try to determine what medication he can go on. So this is all actually good news because once he gets on meds I am hopeful that he will have a better quality of life.
Now the real stuff. I asked my W to read the book the Five Love Languages (Gary Chapman). She agreed. She read it yesterday. Took the test and she identified her languages. Her main language is Acts of service, followed closely by quality time, and receiving gifts.
My languages are touch and words of affirmation. So it appears that we don't communicate to well in our love languages. This is definitly something we have to work on.
There is also a part in the book about talking personalities. He talks about the "dead sea" Someone that doesn't talk(me) and the babbling brook, someone that doesn't shut up(my W) and how these two personalities are attracted to each other in the dating phase. Well this really hit a nerve with me and with her. It is exactly what happened in our initial phase of dating.
So this started some conversation and it comes out that my W is so depressed she has been thinking about committing suicide. She won't take antidepressants because she is afraid they will cause her to kill herself. At this point I am calmly going off the deep end. She cries a bit and we continue to talk. She has asked me to go with her to her school to pick up her belonging because we need to take the van and she is afraid to go by herself. I agree to go.
Later I ask her to go to the MC again today at 1PM. She doesn't know. So if she shows up fine if not its ok. I am sure there is some other things that I left out but this is the highlight the best I can remember.
Oh one other thing. We spoke about her parents and how her father always controlled her with $$$$. If he didn't like what she was doing then he would with hold $$$ from her. So this is why she is so scared of $$$$ and wants to control it so much.
Lots of stuff. I don't know if this coming out is good or bad. Or where she is at.
I think your reactions were good, but you really have to know where you are in order to be there for her as she starts to open up like this.
I do want to caution you of the cycle. Don’t look to far forward with this. Just let her talk, let it come out, and see what happens tomorrow, or next week then.
Often, they talk a bit, then go back to the hiding. Stay your course. You are doing well.
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
