The answer to that last question won't really matter to you, because you've already had the affair. I can't speak for Cinco's wife, but other women have "come around" without an affair. My wife knew I hadn't had an affair, and she has come a long way. But knowing that doesn't really help you much; it doesn't mean that you need to go back in time to un-have the affairs, and it's not as if you could if you wanted to.
What matters in your situation is the fact that wives have "come around" after affairs, whether despite the affair or because of the affair (probably a hard-to-define mixture of the two in most cases.)
"Threats" of leaving that didn't "work" are by definition empty threats. If you bluff your wife by threatening to leave when you're not ready to do so, you set yourself up to fail and be taken even less seriously afterward. If you're serious, a "threat" to leave the marriage can only have one of two results: either it convinces your wife to work with you on the marriage, or you leave and the marriage ends. This is not a judgment of whether the husband was good or bad, smart or dumb to stay on after he said he was leaving, just a clear understanding of why it didn't "work."
