Hi CW, I think your DB coach is on to something. That is something my H mentioned several times. I seemed to be so independent, strong and capable and OW was a "damsel in distress" and he got to be the hero with her. I have been experimenting with reaching out to him more, asking his advice, needing him more... but not too much! It seems to be something he needs. I think your coach gave you a good plan!
Thanks for your input RW! I think I was trying so hard to not be "needy" and maybe went too far! She also recommended getting the book The 5 Love Languages. Have you read that? Hope all is going well with you and your H!
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5LL's is fab certainly made me think about things differently.
Get the needy bit 100% my H kicked off about it completely out of the blue I will go and try and find that thread/post bit for you to read a bit later..
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W 47 H 47 M 24 T 30
Once lost but now found and happily married again!
I am an LBS- my WAW was not needy at all, she was highly independant. Personally, I liked feeling needed, I even asked her at one point to be more needy- though I think I should have used a different word. Highly independant women, may come across as cold and distant- at least that's my W's prob, before she was a WAW. That affected our intimacy and affection. It always seemed like she wasn't there. Don't know if this helps. I did briefly go over 5LL's w/ W and it was interesting to see what her's were. I was WAY off. We wwere def speaking diff languages. Best of luck
Thankyou so much for the input from a male perspective maynard! I guess I have just had to become more independent as my H works an overnight shift so basically, anything during the week seemed to become my responsibility! Believe me, I was not enjoying having all of that!!! I guess what I have found out is, is that I CAN do it if I have to and we end up in a D. I am anxious to get this book and see where we are at! Best of luck to you too!
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What happened was that I got on GAL etc and ignored all his "teddy boy" moments. Started getting my ability to panic under control. Became strong, sassy, sexy Rabbit, and THEN all of a sudden after I made a statement about when he had his heart attack I thought my world had ended and I would never have coped and now I knew different he got all upset that I apparently suddenly didnt need him! But its different for each couple depending on who is the needy and the needed.
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W 47 H 47 M 24 T 30
Once lost but now found and happily married again!
Wow! I can see what you mean LR after reading your sitch! We will see how this weekend goes for me! Unfortunately, there is snow in the forecast so hoping that won't ruin the plans! I am hoping to be invited to go but will have myself prepared that I may not be asked! IF H says he will come by to split wood the next day, I am going to have his fav, goulash, cooking on the stove and D11 wants to make him a cheesecake for his birthday. We just won't put it in the heart shaped pan! Haven't heard anything back yet on the pocket watch so hoping it will be finished in time! I think I will also just go to the dollar store and by some refridgerator magnets and put in the kids and grandkids pics so he can hang them on his fridge.
Last night, I let some negative thoughts in and tried to banish them with all the positives that happened over the last few months! I asked H some questions about his "dump" and he does have a small couch and a double bed that came with it. Asked if he needed sheets and he said he has been sleeping on top of the bed with the sleeping bag so I offered to dig for some sheets for him as I know we have some for a double bed somewhere. Washed them up and lightly spritzed the pillow case with my perfume. I had left a message on his phone yesterday that if he came this way to check on the renters, that I would have the sheets and his mail in a bag in the garage if he wasn't here before I left for work. I also reinterated how excited the kids were for this weekend. DIL said the grandkids are making bday cards for H. Is it normal that he has not contacted his oldest son at all through all of this?
Well, it is looking like I am not going to get to see H this morning.
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