Tonight I went by to see my h. He talked about wanting me to spend the night this Saturday. He also talked about us spending Christmas Eve together as a family.
I may have messed up because I told him that I'm not ready for our sons to see us together.
I feel real uncomfortable about that because my h is so unsure about our m. He may have us over this weekend then it will be over, I want the d come Monday! It's so hard on the boys to see this behavior. I want right now for us to date but to not let the boys know. My h said he didn't understand what I meant and really has no problem being together as a family.
I really want to stick to my guns here about not letting our sons know we are seeing each other. I'm just afraid they will be hurt if my h changes his mind again and kicks us to the curb.
Though my h wants to spend time together as a family....he has yet to indicate that he wants to remain married. Am I just suppose to BELIEVE his actions? He plans for the future like we are going to stay married. Should I act as if....and sleep with him whenever he wants? I have no problem being intimate with him...but I'd like the kids to remain unawares of our attempt at reconciliation this time.
Thanks!!! Same to you. Hope you get something edible out of your cooking endeavor!!! I'm lucky...my sisters are doing all the cooking...saved me from messing something up .
Hi Cindy~ Sorry I don't remember the exact ages of your children, but no matter, they must be old enough to be concerned.
You are wise to concider their feelings. I also think that it can send a valuable message to them, to fight for marriage and to build a sense of what committment is.
Explain to them again that there are difficulties between mom and dad. That it does not mean you or dad love them any less. Tell them you cannot tell what the future will hold, but that you will always be there for them.
Explain your views on marriage and committment, in an age appropriate way. In keeping with that there are times that you and their dad will be together to see where things go. There will also be times that you will all be together. Be open and ask them to come to you with their feelings and questions.
DO NOT involve them in the specifics of the issues. That is between you and H.
I think the more up front you are with them the better.
Nothing wrong with being together as a family, then go home. Also, if it feels like you are making progress and staying the night will be ok. I wouldn't hide it from them, but maybe just not in their face kind of thing. Then that is ok too.
What if you were dating him for the very first time? When would you spend the night?
Quote: there are times that you and their dad will be together to see where things go. There will also be times that you will all be together.
It is hard for my sons to understand why there dad wants us together then a couple of days later wants us gone. My boys are 11 & 10. The boys get upset cause their dad hurts me, makes me upset. I sometimes cry in front of the boys as we are driving home from h's house. They see that and hate h. I don't do it on purpose...sometimes my emotions get the best of me.
Quote: Nothing wrong with being together as a family, then go home. Also, if it feels like you are making progress and staying the night will be ok. I wouldn't hide it from them, but maybe just not in their face kind of thing. Then that is ok too.
I'm cool with going over there and spending the evening but as far as staying the night with our kids there....don't know about that.
Quote: What if you were dating him for the very first time? When would you spend the night?
When my h and I first met we hopped in the sack a month later. Now I guess he wants to revert to the norm of that...sleep together right away. I'd feel more comfortable after a couple of rounds of counseling.
I almost get the sense like h has every intention of coming home after he takes his revenge on me. Like he just went into the court hearing saying he didn't want to be married but really had every intention of agreeing to the continuance. Like he's playing me! I guess I don't mind because I know he is very hurt by the divorce and having to move out. But I think it is totally childish to take revenge on your WIFE!!!!
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