Lost Rabbit renames hers every few days! We've got to find her secret!
H continues to soften. He left me half his chocolate bar tonight. A far cry from eating all the popcorn and taunting me with "you can't have any" from last month. When I arrived home tonight, he wasn't constantly staring at a screen (phone, computer, tv). H actually just sat there without having to tune me out. We talked a little. He said he'd read a while then we can watch our show.
Earlier- applying for kindergarten, I couldn't find my son's birth certificate. See my last thread - H would have previously pummeled me for being disorganized. Today I saw him catch himself and reassured me I'm always good with S's paperwork and that it' probably nobody's fault - we think we never applied to have it sent home!~
I was sobbing today. I found old valentines and anniversary cards from him gushing with love. I gave them back to him. I thought I'd give them to him on Valentine's day, but of course he's planning on being MIA for that one!~
Things are moving forward even if slowly. Both of you are learning to deal with different issues and also both learning that what they do results in either good behaviour or historic behaviour. It is going to take a long time to sort out and get used to the new behaviour and for H this is a real trust issue, and obviously hits him far more emotionally than he has ever been able to express except in anger.
Was glad that MC got over that hes responses to his hurt feelings are demeaning and actually cause more harm than good. Its up to you now kiddo to keep bashing away at ODP till it becomes normal and then H lets his hair down and starts explaining his frustration.
Its definitely slow but steady progress and you should both be proud of where you have come from and where you are going too!
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W 47 H 47 M 24 T 30
Once lost but now found and happily married again!
Geez am I all over the map. One day I am so mad at him and ready to D, and another I'm hopeful because we're getting along better. Anyone else feel this way?
Yes. Hopeless one day. Hopeful another. Totally angry another day. Sad another day. Done with him another day. Hopeful again. Rinse and repeat. I've even asked him to end it at points just to end the thing. Does that sound like ODP?
H4L, it's encouraging for me to read threads in piecing. I hope that you and your H can work things out. It sounds like a long, hard road, but there's so much at stake. I haven't read your entire thread, but your H's defensiveness, etc. reminds me of my H.
Actually both H and I have a lot of defensiveness. I realize that a good 180 project for me would be to just be able to listen to H and everyone else. To actually listen without talking at the same time to myself in my head. H needs me to hear his complaints (even if they are mean/unjustified/grumpy), he needs me to hear his "good ideas" (even if I think they are dumb) etc. I have some really bad habits in this area, because I don't feel heard and because of the hurt that I have about not being respected for years.
It sounds like you are really working on your responses to your H...good for you!
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
