A Choice

[Deep]

Well as a semi-hijack, Sandi, a lot of words similar to yours were said to me by my W much later in our sitch. It helped keep me in control of some emotions.

As you know, it takes the WAS a long time, if ever, to reach that stage. And the LBS can also go through a whole range of emotions, hidden resentments, triggered anger etc even after the "return". some of these are really unforseen, and I think it varies for everyone as individuals.

Detachment to me does not mean you do not care. You do, greatly. The outcome of your struggles for your M and happiness within that M is important. But part of it is that you know you can do your level best in the areas where you have impact, and that you can find acceptance and contentment regardless of the final overall outcome.

Btw. I think you're hurting in a way patpat. I wouldn't describe your W as pursuing you. Yet. I may be wrong but part of you seems to be pretty fixated on your W "pursuing you". I believe you may actually move on ok if she did totally walk out and slam the door shut now, but part of you puts a premium on the pusuit. Right now, she hasn't even given up OM. In terms of running after you, she hasn't even got her running shoes on yet.

Yups, GAL etc. You do what you need to do to get through a day at a time. Stoicism is a valuable attribute at times, but over the long term, it is important to also see the difference between that and a strength that comes from being totally at peace.