OK, here's what I've pieced together from what you've shared already...

I want you to carefully examine your relationship dynamic (highlighted in red):

Sep 09 - your W starts an EA with an old flame. She decides to tell you to get lost and tells you to leave your home so she can pursue her new love. What did you do? You complied. You tucked your tail between your legs and left like a good little dog. Then... you ran after her like a lovestruck little puppy. The more you ran towards her the more she shunned you and ran away.

Do you see why pursuit doesn't work?

Nov 09 - She decides to have you over for Thanksgiving. She didn't even have the courtesy to invite you herself! Instead she relayed the message to you via your daughters... VERY NICE. So she threw you a bone and you complied. You leapt at the chance like the good little doggy you are. That day the two of you danced the good behavior dance - and she thought you were on board UNTIL you pursued her. Finally,
aAs you left, her TRUE reason was revealed: She wanted the papers signed and you completely out of her way.

Nov 09 - Since kicking you out didn't work and she didn't get what she wanted (D papers and a pocket full of cash) She decides to "allow" you to return home. And like the innocent lamb to the slaughter you complied. So why did she get you to come home then you ask... to degrade you further and treat you like dirt so you can finally get the message that she wants those D papers signed ASAP. But you were not "getting it."

X-mas, and New Years came. Same demands... but oops... Dale is still not complying! Dale, this is the best thing you could have done - NOT SIGNING THE D PAPERS.

She starts throwing you a few crumbs every now and again...

Originally Posted By: Dale
Had started getting thank you's, for the yard, shrubs, things that didn't have to be said.
<snip>
But still said thank you for little things. Even a pleasant 'good morning, or goodnight' now and then.

You may ask "why"? God only knows... because she was still in the full blown fog of her affair.

Jan 15, 2010 She decides she's had enough of waiting for the D papers and flies out to consummate her EA with her lover. I know you don't want to believe this... What other reason does she have to fly out to home but to go be with her lover. BELIEVE IT. Don't believe a word she says to you to otherwise. Get rid of the denial. This is the truth. When you wouldn't fold on the D, she left you and her kids. She bought a one-way ticket to the "love shack." She tasted the poison apple. Oh... and what did you do? You complied

Now you have to deal with it. Accept that infidelity has happened. My question for you is this:

DO YOU STILL WANT HER BACK NOW?

I won't continue until I have an answer... because I have a lot more to say.