Where in the world did that come from !!!

[Deep]

Hi, I've not followed your sitch all that closely but I hope you don't mind me chipping in after your latest turn of events.

Many LBS here re in pain, they cannot accept or understand what drives the spouse to want away, and even worse, have an A. Does not the commitment, vows mean nothing? If the M was that bad, couldn't they just leave instead of creatng this mess?

An A with its attendant decpetion and lies is one of the worst forms of betrayal. It's each person's choice if that frees you to betray the M yourself.

In my sitch (and you can look it up if you feel lke it), I made the mistake of getting way too close to a woman friend whose H also cheated on her. She threw him out within the first week and although I started out thinking we were just such good close friends who both got put through the same crap, events much later on proved it was not that simple. Don't mess things up more than you have to.

You're vulnerable now, understandably so. You came on here for what? Advice? To save your M? Was it worth it? Is it? Your choices, and don't get me wrong, they are to be respected. But to have a turnaround based on a "connection" with someone who "gets" you while you are in pain is beyond a cliche if you care to read how WASs plunge into As.

I posted before that one thing that gets me is how LBS also have their own fog even as we demonise the WAS fog. From a personal point of view (and I'm not saying for a minute this applies to anyone else), I feel that the LBS frequently have this huge sense of ENTITLEMENT, which is eeriely similar to the WAS version. This often develops as a mutant misunderstood form of GAL and detachment, sometimes as they get past the denial and begging stages to Anger.

I guess I'm saying take your time and be sure what you want. Best of luck.