Where in the world did that come from !!!

[blownaway65]

So, you good people here on the boards and my IC are all big advocates of me Getting a Life and moving on with my life - but at the time keeping the door ajar for WAW should she wish to work on the MR down the track.

Seems I've gone and done too good a job.

I signed myself up to RSVP (online dating) yesterday morning at around 7:30am and 'put myself out there' - within an hour I had a 'hit' from a lady who lives around 40kms away.

We chatted a bit online and finished up meeting for coffee and a face to face. She is really nice and the most interesting woman I think I've ever met - and HOT to boot. She is 46 and separated with no kids. We really had a great time just talking. Before I met her I couldn't imagine myself being so cool with, well, that.

We're both keen to take it further.

So last night at home, I had a good old cry because I know that if I do start something with her, and I do want to, then I have to close the door on W of 23 years (regardless of whether she would have come back or not) and my family becomes what they like to call 'blended'.

Once I make the decision, it's going to be a done deal, because I could never use another person and then discard them if W wanted to come back.

It certainly is an effective way to get your mind off W though.

I've spoken to the kids about her, and I guess asked if they are OK with it, and they all are. I think they see it as "Mum just went off and left us for another guy, at least Dad is making sure we're good with it".

Anyway for the time being, I'm going to take things slow and see what happens before I go making any hasty decisions, it just adds another dynamic to my sitch I suppose.

[sandi2]

Gee, what did they put in that coffee anyway?

[blownaway65]

Seriously the first time in 6 months I've had a genuinely GOOD TIME with someone not in my immediate family.

And she had Tea anyway, only I had the coffee.

[chatterbug]

My Friend. Just remember this. Enjoy your time with this new friend. But remember that friendship is the foundation of love. Build the friendship first. And space out the conversations. You had a good first date. Nothing wrong with that. It makes ya whistle, and walk with wee bit of swagger. Enjoy that feeling. It will mask reality for a little while. But reality is still there. So take some of that reality and go out on a few dates with a few different women. And then step back and see where you wanna go. That good time feeling is fantastic. Guess what you just learned that you can have it again. Just remember it goes away just a quickly.

Feels great doing something for yourself does it not.

[sandi2]

Who told you to "use" her? Can't you just have some friendly dates? Do you have to start picking out the towels already?

I know what you are saying. I appreciate your respectful thoughts toward this woman and your W. But it concerns me how so many LBH's are taking the first nibble from a gal as being the sign to send out wedding invitations. Okay, so you're not going that far....yet. Did you tell this woman your marital status? I'm sure you did. Did she seem "eager" to go forward in a R with you? I guess I'm too suspcious of people. Watched too many movies (lol).

Just take a day at a time and see where it takes you. Besides, she may "use" you......who knows. But are you saying that you will put an end to a future with your W even if she wants to reconcile......b/c of a woman you've met one time?

[Deep]

Hi, I've not followed your sitch all that closely but I hope you don't mind me chipping in after your latest turn of events.

Many LBS here re in pain, they cannot accept or understand what drives the spouse to want away, and even worse, have an A. Does not the commitment, vows mean nothing? If the M was that bad, couldn't they just leave instead of creatng this mess?

An A with its attendant decpetion and lies is one of the worst forms of betrayal. It's each person's choice if that frees you to betray the M yourself.

In my sitch (and you can look it up if you feel lke it), I made the mistake of getting way too close to a woman friend whose H also cheated on her. She threw him out within the first week and although I started out thinking we were just such good close friends who both got put through the same crap, events much later on proved it was not that simple. Don't mess things up more than you have to.

You're vulnerable now, understandably so. You came on here for what? Advice? To save your M? Was it worth it? Is it? Your choices, and don't get me wrong, they are to be respected. But to have a turnaround based on a "connection" with someone who "gets" you while you are in pain is beyond a cliche if you care to read how WASs plunge into As.

I posted before that one thing that gets me is how LBS also have their own fog even as we demonise the WAS fog. From a personal point of view (and I'm not saying for a minute this applies to anyone else), I feel that the LBS frequently have this huge sense of ENTITLEMENT, which is eeriely similar to the WAS version. This often develops as a mutant misunderstood form of GAL and detachment, sometimes as they get past the denial and begging stages to Anger.

I guess I'm saying take your time and be sure what you want. Best of luck.

[blownaway65]

I have a small card in my wallet that says "Build the Friendship, Build the Trust". It's to remind me some of the things I have to do with W, but applies equally to anyone else I guess.

Point taken Cutter, I'm not ready to close the door yet on M and R, but I'm not gonna sit at home doing nothin' either cos you're sooo right, it does feel great doing something for myself.

Thanks

[blownaway65]

Sandi I fully appreciate what you're saying. I will be taking things very slowly. I'm by no means saying that I'm ready to throw in the towel on M yet (or pick out new ones with someone else).

I think Cutter put it really nicely when he said:

That good time feeling is fantastic. Guess what you just learned that you can have it again. Just remember it goes away just a quickly.

Feels great doing something for yourself does it not.

I guess I'm getting way ahead of myself here, just wanted to make the point that if things did go OK with this woman, then there would come a time to close the door on W and this part of my life and start the next part.

Deep, no problems, chip in whenever you want to. I so appreciate that you guys are taking time out of your lives to show interest in complete strangers.

I guess I'm saying take your time and be sure what you want. Best of luck.

I still want my W and our M. I also want to feel like a Normal person again.

I get the LBH Fog too. Sometimes you just feel "Hey She did this, why can't I!".

Look, over the last 6 months my emotions have taken the biggest beating, I guess in a way it's like a drug for me to actually feel good, so I have to treat it like that.

Maybe just a little bit now and then for Medicinal purposes - but not overboard.

[sandi2]

Yeah, I think so too. Everyone needs a little ego food sometimes. When you've been beaten down for so long, then I'm sure it is very good to know that you don't look bad to the opposite sex.....right? Maybe that will be the boost you needed right now. I believe I can speak for most of us and say we just want you to be careful and take things slowly. There's been too many "rebounds" due to broken hearts and fast romances.

[blownaway65]

Understood, I will be, very slowly.

BTW not sure if it's 180, GAL or both, but I'm sitting here with the Nicotine Patches stuck to my arm, yep after 20 odd years I'm giving the dirty rotten things away!