I love coming in and seeing that I have been a little drop in the help bucket for some
I come here for that little drop every day
Originally Posted By: Serenity
Once the service was over he couldn't get to the Pastor fast enough and then didn't want to leave his side.
I thought this was so endearing; I could picture your little one running up to the pastor. I did the same thing when I was a kid, and always asked too many questions. I think it's great that he is seeking solace; seeking positive male's to be around; it's better than the turning inward that many kids do in these situations.
M:42|W:40|D:17|S:13|Bomb:10/23/09 Awoken's Current Thread
Hope all is well and you are having a wonderful day so far!
Originally Posted By: Gardener
I would think you'd be glad OW isn't there much. He's there because something in him need a change. or a comparison. Be patient. I'm assuming you're talking about Son, here. If you meant H, save it, there is no rhyme nor reason.
Of course I am glad the troll isn't there however you know I ment my H when I posted that and I am trying to be patient and of course you are right - No rhyme or reason.
The book - Co-Dependent No More - Puppy recommended it to me a few months ago and I just haven't had a chance to read it...What I have read was truly a wake-up call.
I think the one thing bothering me (bad enough to not want to put words to it) is that the more time goes forward the more I feel less for my H...I am scared of reaching a place where it would no longer matter if he came back or not and that if he did, I wouldn't want him back anymore.
May All Who Seek To Take My Life Be Put To Shame And Confusion; May All Who Desire My Ruin Be Turned Back In Disgrace. ~Psalm 40:14~
I think the one thing bothering me (bad enough to not want to put words to it) is that the more time goes forward the more I feel less for my H...I am scared of reaching a place where it would no longer matter if he came back or not and that if he did, I wouldn't want him back anymore.
This, I believe is inevitable - fortunately or unfortunately. I reached that place last month. I've shut the door. I want no part of the person whose selfish, needless infliction of pain and destruction of so very, very much has hurt so many and has ended a good, loving family. Fourteen months was my limit. The sense of entitlement, vindictiveness and outright rewriting of history during the final legal process killed the last vestiges and remnants of feelings. I wish her no ill, but I'm glad I am finally where I am now.
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
I appreciate your point of view as you know and somewhere in me knows that you are right...
This month will be 1 year since this started...
I feel so much further along then he is for some reason - As stated before, the taller I stand, the lower he sinks.
I told his Mom last night, this could have all been avoidable had he had the balls to tell me he was unhappy, instead he took the most destructive path for his own selfishness...
Most of what has happened is forgivable - What I have a very hard time forgiving is the way our youngest S has been treated.
I know that we are supposed to forgive for ourselves and I know that is what God would want me to do however each time I look at that little boy and see the devastation caused to him, I want to go postal on my H.
I want to go to his apartment with a rusty scapel and cut off his balls one at a time and then for good measure, pour rubbing alcohol on his wounds....I want him to feel an 8th of the pain he has caused my son.
However I am not a vindictive person so that would never happen.
This is what makes me just sick -
Originally Posted By: Gardener
The sense of entitlement, vindictiveness and outright rewriting of history.
Can I get an AMEN!
May All Who Seek To Take My Life Be Put To Shame And Confusion; May All Who Desire My Ruin Be Turned Back In Disgrace. ~Psalm 40:14~
I want to go to his apartment with a rusty scapel and cut off his balls one at a time and then for good measure, pour rubbing alcohol on his wounds....
Whoa, girl! Remind me never to get on your bad side!
Originally Posted By: Serenity13
This is what makes me just sick -
Originally Posted By: Gardener
The sense of entitlement, vindictiveness and outright rewriting of history.
Can I get an AMEN!
Yep. Yep. Yep. AMEN!!! Speaking of which, I just spent FOUR HOURS assembling, organizing and refuting - in a looong email to my lawyer - all the lies, distortions, history-rewriting, reneged agreements of TGSTBXW (Thank God! STBXW) for Wednesday's showdown that I forced last week by telling 'em all to go screw two days before D. I'm exhausted
Forgive me if I repeat myself, but did I mention last week what TGSTBXW's lawyer had the nerve to write me, directly? Not even through my lawyer?
"This case is unlike others where one party simply deserts the marital asset leaving the other to pay all costs."
Once again, I admit that I don't text and rarely use text-ese, but.. WTF??
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
WTF is right my friend - And AMEN as well! You are almost to the finish line so keep looking forward and NEVER stop to look back!
Update - Last night was interesting - I received a text from my oldest S...
He was telling me how much he missed me and little one as well as his school and friends...
My heart was screaming "Tell him he can come back" - My head prevailed...
I let him know I understood however there would be no going back and forth between his Dad and I just because he didn't like the rules I set. He chose to go there and now needs to finish out school and his probation and once that is done we can revisit him returning to me.
OMG - I so rock! Whoop-Whoop
May All Who Seek To Take My Life Be Put To Shame And Confusion; May All Who Desire My Ruin Be Turned Back In Disgrace. ~Psalm 40:14~
Update - Last night was interesting - I received a text from my oldest S...
He was telling me how much he missed me and little one as well as his school and friends...
My heart was screaming "Tell him he can come back" - My head prevailed...
I let him know I understood however there would be no going back and forth between his Dad and I just because he didn't like the rules I set. He chose to go there and now needs to finish out school and his probation and once that is done we can revisit him returning to me.
Long time no hear and I hope you are doing great in life!
It is however always wonderful to see you my friend!!
I was so proud of myself last night... Old me would have just melted and allowed him to come back... New me has a spine of steel and I can set boundaries now!
Thank you for coming by and I appreciate 3 whistles!!!
May All Who Seek To Take My Life Be Put To Shame And Confusion; May All Who Desire My Ruin Be Turned Back In Disgrace. ~Psalm 40:14~
So glad you didn't say to your S what your heart was saying. He is definitely old enough to learn from the consequences of his decisions and hopefully he will. And I am also glad you got to hear from him how much he misses you. I'm sure that made your day!
Nice to see you as well! And I am glad he contacted me as well...I decided to go dark on him as well unless he absolutely needed something and it did make my day - Made my day more knowing I set what I wanted to set and wasn't going to back down from it.
May All Who Seek To Take My Life Be Put To Shame And Confusion; May All Who Desire My Ruin Be Turned Back In Disgrace. ~Psalm 40:14~
