OK, if he's offering yes this is an excellent sign.
You are both in a difficult place right now and you are both doing the same thing that isnt helping you.
You are both VOICING your FEARS.
He is telling you HE doens't think the marriage can be saved, YOU are telling us you dont' have hope.
Well guess what.. We aren't aiming for world peace here or an end to starvation... we just have to get two people to find a way to cherish one another like they had in the past...
Does THAT sound THAT hard?
We aren't even matchmaking blind here.. you two HAVE been great before, you just got lost in the woods somewhere... its not that hard really...
YOU need to be hopeful for the both of you. And honestly you have a lot to hope for.
He isn't going to end his affair without some positive influences.. you, your friends, a good Family therapist, and some hard work from himself.
Him acknowledging its a problem and offering to end things verbally IS a first step.. it takes many to get an affair finished off.
I really think you need to get that OWH involved and have him sit down with your husband.. but only if its physically safe to do so...
If your H sees the DAMAGE and HURT he has caused someone's home it will be great strides in helping.. if all the OWH can manage is to punch your husband out... Then that's not going to help much... lol
It is possible the OWH already knows... very often the abandoned spouse suspects... sometimes not but often they do get the sense somethings going on...
You need to go out and buy two books :
After the Affair by Spring Not Just Friends by Glass
both are excellent and worth their weight in gold
Find a good therapist who KNOWS these authors and can help your husband and you work through this... if the FT hasn't heard of these two then don't waste your time on that FT.. move on... they are a dime a dozen.
Your H is going to need some positive influences who can keep an eye on him for you.
If YOU police him through his withdrawal it will do a lot of damage at home... you need a third party to make sure he stays honest.
Can you find a friend of his who is motivated to protect and support your marriage who will do a "buddy-system" with him until he's through this?
