Won't go into long detail, as my sitch is so like others. We have 5 children S24, D21, D19, twin D's17. ''Sep 5, 09'', W says "it's over, ILYBINILWY, remet old friend on Face Book, think I love him, want D asap, go to him and hope that works out to be my future. Want you out of the house.' I packed and moved to the office/2 br, 2b trailer at the yard/shop for my construction co.
You know how I felt. Every thing I tried made it worse. Was surprised when Thanksgiving came, and the girl's informed me I was expected to be there, and a few hours early. Arrived nervous, then surprised, she [other than anything personal] acted as if nothing had happened. [Can you slice the turkey right quick, can you this, this, this, and that?] Blew it when I told her how nice she looked. [good thing looks can't kill] Surprised again when she placed me at the head of the table w/her to my right, asked me to say the prayer as always.
Then, as I left, "be carefull, don't forget I need those papers signed asap." The following day, called and said that I should be back home, the girls needed me, it was my house too. Did, but went days at times being completly ignored. Was very painfull.
First week of Dec, I saw nothing was working. Had went to see an elder at church for advice, was referred to a C, who referred me to DB, which led to DR, which led to this site. Was dismayed that all, NOT ONLY said I need to 1st own my own fault's, mistakes, but DO something about them. Began to follow diff path. I could have added to the list of don't do's that I had repeated over, and over, and.........
X-mas, and New Years came. Same family gatherings, same reminders about signing papers, but a sliver of hope. Had started getting thank you's, for the yard, shrubs, things that didn't have to be said.
Fell back many times, but made it clear 'she' wanted a D, not me, I wouldn't sign. She [I'll just file for a no-fault D]. But still said thank you for little things. Even a pleasant 'good morning, or goodnight' now and then.
Jan 15,2010 she flew out, to go back where she grew up. One way ticket. Family, friends from col., and 'where he is'. I just said bye when she left, didn't offer a hug. She called 10 min. before her flight, ["Just want to say bye, have a good trip to Texas{business}] I could only say "OK, bye."
The next week I fought myself every minute, but made it 7 days with NC. Then, was shocked, 10:30 pm, Jan 22nd, she called me. Asked questions for 15 minutes. 1/2 redundant, 1/2 I knew came from comments I had made to our girl's that they must have told her. Again, hard to, but held my lip, answered honestly, then told her I was tired, busy, enjoy your trip, good night. Asked her nothing about what she was doing, or where, or who with.
Again, FORCED myself, with great pain to have NC. This time, 3 days, and Jan 25th got a text a@ 11:00 am. "Haven't went anywhere, just spending quality time with Wanda {cousin] and Ellen {col friend}, no men involved, no regrets to worry about, just so you know". I didn't know what to think, how to respond, so I didn't. At 4:30 pm, she called. "Oh, I'm sorry, was calling Valerie [D21]. But did you get a text earlier?" Told her "yes, but wasn't sure just what to say, or believe right then. Busy, can talk later if you want." She "Just wanted to know you got it, bye".
Again, bloody lip biting back what I wanted to say, but remained NC 4 days more, and she called, Jan 29th, talked 30 min. Told of many diff feelings. Said she realized she had needed an escape, but felt it was like a 'fantasy' in her mind. Thought maybe we needed to seperate, see what would happen, but if I got served D papers, ignore them, still wasn't sure of many things, but sure D wasn't the right answer any more. I agreed, assured her I understood she had a lot to think about, that I did too. I let it go at that, bloody lip biting back so much I wanted to say, but felt, and hope I was right, that it wasn't the right time to talk about me. Was really hard not to say 'I love you' as we said good-bye'. In my mind, 'she had a one way ticket?'
3 more extremely painfull days. Then, yesterday, Feb 1st, she calls. Couldn't get return flight for price she wanted untill the 11th. Did I have anything there with properties she could do for me? 10 more days with relatives would get boring. Then adds, "Noticed I have a flight exchange in Miami. {5 hours from our home} Could you arrange your schedule to meet me there, have talked to his mother, we could pick up our grandson for a week, {he's three, from S24}, and we could drive back together from there?"
This was a real shock. When I came home 2 month's ago, she gave me the master, took the spare BR. Made it a point never to spend a full minute around me, unless someone else was in the room, so there was no chance of any talk about US. The cheerfullness in her voice took me off gaurd, when she asked if my time would allow 'us' to stop for dinner on the way to break up the drive. Then asked if I could plan a week later as 'we' return him, to leave early, stop at the beach, have lunch, then stop for dinner on the way back, so it wouldn't be just a day of driving.
Can you imagine my shock, after 4 month's of avoiding a full minute together, to suddenly ask me if I could plan to spend so much time together. And the final return home, alone together for a 5 hour drive and dinner!!!!
Right now, I'm thankfull the door has cracked open a bit, but scared I could blow it if I'm not carefull. Afraid what to talk about, that I might say the wrong things. Know now there's hope, but a long way to go to open that door, and take that wall completely down.
