Moving back in

[DDogs]

PDT everyone else,

Thanks for your input.. Yes, it is extremely difficult. W is obviously just looking for something to complain about. She's obviously P!ssed I'm in the home,, W enjoyed it when she was here by herself and kids but not paying for it,, I decided I will try and remain and be civil, calm but not engage W in any conversation, but if engaged by W, I will reply that I will think about it and consult my L. I almost always have a kid around me so that will help with any trickery on her part..

Regarding the kids, I agree I should not have said what I did about other people in the conversation.. It just came out, it was wrong.. I also think W overreacted. It's ironic because W usually has a cool demeanor about her, now she's a Text book "Drama Queen" everything is elevated to catastrophic levels.

I'll also add, that W acts like this whenever confronted with a legitimate opinion that she doesn't like or legitimately refutes her position or in recent times is called out on her inappropriate behavior, the A.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Might be wise to keep a small voice recorder at the ready, to protect yourself.

Puppy

[flowmom]

I almost always have a kid around me so that will help with any trickery on her part..

This concerns me too. Using your children as witnesses is involving them inappropriately in the drama. Don't kid yourself, some therapist will get rich off your kids some day if this stuff continues. It horrifies me to think of them having to report on your and your W's actions, to the police or anyone else. That's not their role. If you are speaking to the police, you should request privacy and speak to them without your children present. Your children are not emotionally equipped to play the roles that you are expecting them to play (taking your side, buffering you from your W's actions). I think that a voice recorder or using another adult as a witness is a much better option. You guys don't need legal advice right now as much as you need professional support in developing a coparenting relationship. You are both losing perspective on what your children need from you right now.

I wish you the strength and clarity that you need right now.

[DDogs]

Thanks for the advice pup and flow.

What I mean by the kids withme is that I am constantly doing things with all 3. I do things in groups but I like doing quality 1 to 1 time. So my only down time without them is when I read in my room or if I go out as an adult by myself. I would never consider having them near me just as a device.

When I get kid time, they're all mine.

[DDogs]

W approached me tonight and all/only I basically told her was that we need to think about the kids first and foremost. We need to stop the downward spiral of craziness that is happening and exacerbating an already tense situation..

I finished by telling her that WE need to decide what is going to happen with the kids.. If we continue on this path, a judge will probably have to decide what happens regarding the kids, when we know the kids best and that it should be decided by us...Period

W agreed.

I think that may have de-railed the boundary issue of her affair, but after much consideration and thought, I choose my kids..

Any thoughts? I know the affair needs to be exposed to the OM's wife, but how to best proceed with that..?

[DDogs]

Just wanting to vent today...

Its bad when you think your SO is having an affair, and when you find out, even worse... I suspected and found out,, info still trickling in.. I never wanted to feel this feeling again, EVER..

I'm hoping this passes soon.

The bandage keeps getting ripped off of me every 2 months ,, this has to stop..

Going to be a bad day. I do know I will be ok at the end of all of this, but that doesn't make the knot in my gut any better. I just feel sick to my stomach. I hate having to relive this situation with "new" surprise info every few months....

Thanks for the forum to vent.

[luvless]

I'm feeling you right now D - and praying for you on the spot.

I still don't have proof either but I do know what you are going through. I have lost 15 lbs because my sick stomach.

God bless you and your kids - be strong.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

I'm sorry, DDogs -- I too know how much it hurts.

I know the "keep finding out stuff" feels like a BAD thing, but I actually got to where I thought maybe it was tied to that whole "God will never give you anything more than you can handle" thing. Maybe He, in his mercy, only allows us to see/hear/feel what we are able to see/hear/feel at one time, y'know?

I think it was true in my case, and I ended up being very thankful for it. Had all of the things I ultimately learned/saw/heard been revealed to me all at once, I honestly think it would have killed me. Seriously.

Puppy

[jasper67]

(())

I also agree- the A in my sitch has been going on for months- I truly know nothing, but at the same time know everything. I have busted every lie (almost) in the past month. But it's exhausting and frustrating when SO does not fess up.

Puppy's right- the benefit of the A in my sitch is that I know it has more to do w/ her than me. It's still difficult and a blow to the self-esteem, but hang in there...

It's good your asking about ways to blow the A. I blew my W's A to OM's girlfriend. Now we e-mail eachother almost daily. You do need to be careful, and don't expect to have them suddenly come clean- possibly quite the opposite. Don't give away your source of intel, and be ready for hell afterwards...

[DDogs]

Flo, Luv, PDT, Maynard

I truly appreciate your thoughts, kind words and prayers. I also believe we never get more than we can handle. It just sux to be in this sitch. The lies and th lying are very frustrating.

W is so entenched in the fog it's scary. Doing things no normal person would do. (w is an advanced degree marriage and family therapist as well as a chemical and substance abuse addictions counselor, the OM is the same)

Went to lawyers today. Had good info to pass along and got some from them as well. Favorable.