Thanks so much all - you're all right. SEe - most moms notice their kids just stay dry all night at one point and that's that. S is at that point, as long as I keep pre-bed drinks to a minimum. However Freckle you make a good point - pick my battles. Why not go along with it for a month (have done so a few weeks now) rather than have an excuse to be adversaries. If he's that prickly maybe he needs to feel right
MC session today. Amazing. We got to deeper stuff. Basically it comes down to H not trusting me. All his criticalness, touchiness, explosiveness comes from slowing testing trust with me and then losing it at the first sign of "Hope's not changing so she'll never change". Whoever said they are constantly testing and watching was right.
Last year, we split after some nasty stuff - very painful fights over sexual issues. No detals here for now - suffice it to say, ten months on we are finally revisiting it. Basically he doesn't trust me to stay calm, and although I've been doing ODP very well recently, he still is not trusting me.
He showed me a deep vulnerability today usually masked by his supiority complex! He's hurt inside by me in ways I didn't know...and that's why he's so quick to lash out - or last back as he sees it.
I deeply appologized for my part in things and was sobbing. He doesn't trust words, he says he needs time to see if things really will be different with me. Just like DB always says - they need time to feel the different relationship and to test the waters. It takes a long time to believe the changes will stick.
MC was still on my side a bit about how I feel constantly under the microscope and criticized and how that does not help. Thank god!~ I think H heard that the tone of voice stating "facts" in conveys as much or more than words. H got that his tone is very hurtful and that discussions about feelings need to be separated from discussions about "facts".
Really good stuff, really painful. THere's a bit of light at the end of the tunnel. It is just a really long tunnel.
