Hello, hello, hello fellow DB'ers....

[blindsided1]

Just wanted to pop in. I haven't been on too much. Just needed a break from it all. AND IT WORKED. I am 100% better than I was a year ago. K is getting huge and I am loving EVERY minute of life with her. Financial things are horrible, but I am HAPPY. I am happy for the first time in a long time.

I plugged along for a while feeling depressed and snooping and making myself so very sad by analyzing every little thing. Now, I can't snoop - I got caught. It was pretty funny, I ended up giving myself away. Have to say, God works in mysterious ways.

At Christmas time, I bought a present for "their" son, K's brother. It was from K to her brother. On Xmas morning I got a text from OW saying thank you. First contact I had ever had with her in over 2 years. It was appropriate. I didn't respond.

A week or so later, I got another text and the flood gates opened. I spent a good 20 texts ripping her a new one...then I just said "it is what it is". She told me that she didn't expect me to forgive or forget, but she wanted to let me know that she was willing to try to make the best out of a bad situation for the children. I agreed, but told her that I would be civil, but I am far from being friends.

It was freeing. I stopped hating her. I stopped hating him. I stopped hating myself. I just closed that door. I can't explain it. It was what I needed.

Since then, she reaches out and texts me once in a while. Sends me pictures of the kids together. They really are cute together (the kids). But, I keep it short. She has complained about exH more than once. But, I just say "been there".

As much as I would like to think that she really is a good person...I have a ton of hesitation. I just try to look at the facts...

1) she had an affair with a married man who had a pregnant wife, moved him in immediately, paid off his debt, paid for everything and got pregnant right away.
2) she is good at telling people what they want to hear.
3) I have seen the other side of her. When she feels threatened it comes out. I saw it at Xmas when she got in a horrible fight with my ExH's brother because he joined my family for dinner (and his niece/goddaughter, mind you). She was awful. Even he said he had never seen that side of her.

So, I am keeping my eyes open and not falling for the sugary sweetness. I appreciate the gesture, but I can't help feeling like there is an alterior motive.

ExH has been really nice, too. He talks about things from our past and he is still making sexual advances towards me. He is relentless. It drives me nuts. But, I have been able to handle it. It's almost comical sometimes. The more I say no and ignore him, the more he calls or finds reasons to make contact. I ignore....

I am weeing off of my AD meds. And, the state is finally getting off their a$$ and doing something about my CS (8 months later).

I just wanted to say and tell you all that I love you. I needed you and you were there. And, I am doing GREAT!!!

I am going to try and catch up with you. But, it's going to take a while to get through all those post.

Hope that you are all doing much much better since I was here last.

Write me and I'll be in touch.

xoxoxox