Spouse Suffering From Depression

[awest1217]

First, it is ok to be angry and to stay angry. Anger takes a while to get out of the system so don't feel bad that you haven't forgiven him yet. Second, you can forgive someone without forgetting what they have done. You can say H did wrong and still have forgiven him. Lastly, you don't want to fill all of his voids. He is still drinking and getting drunk on a regular basis. If you start filling all of his voids, then you are just helping him. You to set a boundary for that and stick with it (a support group will help with the alcoholic part). Some of the voids these other two women filled were being his drinking girls. You aren't one of them. I understand wanting to make dinner and listen. Those to me are alright, but H has many voids that he needs to learn to fill for himself. He will never get over the depression or drinking otherwise.

He is making progress, but I caution you to make sure you take time to really get over this new hurdle yourself. Telling H that you need some space to process the new information is not being mean. Be honest if you don't want to hang out. Just like you don't want him to give you a false sense of hope; don't act like everything is completely ok when you need some space. Just say you need some time to process, but give an alternative like you did on Sunday. Watch for enabling behavior. Stay strong and take time for you!