Quoting you...That got his attention... I said well ok then I'll have the judge make the ruling he said you can't do that. I said I'm the one with the attorney I think I would know what the legal system will let me do...after all this is my divorce I can do what I want. I walked away. Then I noticed he was getting into my van so I hurried over there and told him to get out of it. I told him that I loved him but could not understand how he could hurt the boys and I like this...by making us a family one day then calling it quits 2 days later! I said I don't think you realize how you are hurting them and me. I finally blew my top and said you know what you are one F****d up dude! And I"m so tired of hearing how this is my fault for filing! You are right I can't be happy with you, you can't be a husband, you can't be a father and you have no balls to even say ILY to your own kids. End Quote
What he said.... he said hell no because it was MY divorce not his!!! And I should pay all my attorney fees. He said no you can't and I'm not paying for your d. He said well if that is the case then YOU should not have filed for the d!
I don't hear him saying he wants a d. I hear him saying that you want a d. I hear him saying he will not pay for a d. I hear him saying you should not have filed.
None of that says to me that he wants a d.
What I sense is a lot of anger that needs to be diffused. He, if he is anything like my S, is HURT and ANGRY. He also feels GUILTY. He is CONFUSED.
You, if you really want this m to work, need to stay calm. You need to keep db'ing. You need to let him know that you know how angry and hurt he is...and you need to keep telling him over and over again that you know how angry and hurt he is because you filed for the d... you are sorry that you filed for the d, and that you want the m to work, and that you love him.
What about YOUR feelings, you ask? What about his part in things? Well....would you rather be RIGHT or be HAPPILY MARRIED? You've got to get him back before you can begin to truly heal all of these wounds of the past. So stop trying to be right...and start trying to be happy.
YOU can do it. I am so rooting for you...and believe me, I do not give advice that I have tested myself on my own relationship....I bit my tongue for months...and db'ed my butt off.....and it is sooooooo working in my life.
