Onwards and upwards!

[Day by Day]

Def have your sense of humor. LOL

Aww... we love you here too P. Don't forget that. So happy to read you're having a great day!! May it continue through your weekend.

[chatterbug]

Hi Susan. Enjoy your ferry ride. Good luck on the hunt.

[newmama]

P your sense of humor has been evident on DB forum all along! I crack up so often thanks to your humor! Have a fun time!

[P17]

Well, just got back. Thanks for the kind words.

Got back to a letter from my solicitor forwarding on a letter from W's solicitor.

Ahh, the fun. Solicitors. They love to threaten people don't they? They think we are all dumb.

W wants half of the house here or a reimbursement of the expenses expended on the house which actually amounts to more than half of the house cost (that's a lie, but let's indulge it). Her solicitor kindly points out, in case I couldn't realise, that half of 35, is 17 and 19 is more than 17.

That saved me getting a calculator out to do that for myself so he is at least saving me time at the cost of my W.

Additionally they point out that the house was in fact purchased as a matrimonial home in 'anticipation of marriage' - I'd love to see him prove 'anticipation' in court That again was good of him to point that out, unfortunately it's wrong. I purchased the house in 2004 and I didn't actually ask my W to marry until 18 months later. I'll maybe ask my solicitor to point that out to him to save him time that he kindly saved me above. If I had 'anticipated' marrying W for 18 months then it would probably have killed me ... which would maybe have saved us all the pain, heartache and anguis, but hindsight is a wonderful thing

He did however drop my W firmly in it by confirming in writing that my W did in fact profit from her previous home. That was good of him and not good for my W. That gives me, what I think they call, 'leverage'. She wasn't supposed to have 'profits'

What I can't really understand though is why W thinks she can continue to be a good person in D's life and give her 'things' and be part of her life when she is effectively splitting her father and her up. She knows the only reason the house was purchased here was as base for me to see D when we came the 300 mile drive up here. I will have to sell the house and leave here. Okay I'm doing that anyway, and D's mum is trying to move to the same area as me (separately - we are NOT together) but she doesn't know that.

My ONLY reasoning on this is that she thinks me and D's mum are together So she can get me out of this house and I can simply move in with D's mum. Sorry, bush telegraph, as is often the case, is actually ... BUZZZZZ ... WRONG ... ! One of the people who works in W's store, just the other day, asked D;s mum if me and her were back together ... it's clearly a rumour

All in all a great weekend. I will update it here later. It's not quite as I expected. Unexpected things happened.

The letter would have brought me down, however .... I just laughed. They can only actually get to you if you care Do your worst W. Believe me it's a drop in the ocean as to what you have done to me so far.

Let the battle commence.

[chatterbug]

So P. When is a good time to visit... And I am glad your standing on your two feet.

[P17]

Cutter, any time is a good time to visit for you. I don't know where I'll be but that will be part of the mystery and of course we'll sort that out beforehand!

[newmama]

P, I have been trying to think of how to respond to your solicitor's news and your reaction.
First, thank goodness you are moving so you don't have to run into W anymore, especially now that she's being greedy about the house.

Second, if D's mom is moving to the same location you are, then that means you won't have to travel so far to see her! Excellent!

Third, are you tempted to just make out w/ D's mum in the middle of the store where W works, just for fun? hahaha--I am not serious!!

Last, can't wait to hear how your birthday weekend went!

You sound like you're doing okay, too!

[P17]

I've been meaning to post an update about the weekend for a little while now. And with newmama's prompting, here it goes

I drove to the ferry on Friday. The weather here was awful. Snow on the roads. Car accidents. No gritters or snow ploughs. I got stopped for around 40 minutes just 30 miles south of where I live in a convoy of cars and lorries. Nearly run into the back of a van. Lorries couldn't get up the hills etc. etc. I left in plenty of time so 40 minutes would make it tight but not un-doable.

Traffic on the way down was very slow. To cut a long story short I was about 40 miles short. Didn't make the ferry. Okay no problem. I would get the one the next day.

So I called a girl I know that stayed reasonably close and asked if I could stay there. We had got to know each other a little a while ago and stayed in touch. Nothing happening, just one of those friends things. So I stayed over with her. My plan was to get the ferry the next morning.

That night the friend and I were talking. I am in a different place now. I am done with the M. It's over. Finished. Gone. Dead. I wanted no more to do with it or W. As far as I was concerned I was a single man just waiting for the D. We decided to see how things would go between us and we had a really good night (minds out of the gutter chaps - vows still intact :))

Consequently, we stayed up almost all night and I didn't make the ferry that morning. Wasn't a biggie as the roads would still be bad that early in the morning (I would have left at 7am). So I went to get the ferry at 6pm.

Left in plenty of time yet again. Got slowed down a little but by the time I reached the closest city to the ferry I had 55 minutes to do 40 miles. Perfect. Roads were clear. I was doing 80mph without any issues. Of course, that was until 30 miles from the ferry terminal. It started to snow. Okay, I thought I'll give it 10 miles of this slow driving and see if it clears as the roads up to that point had been fine.

5 miles down the road and I had to pull over. Couldn't go on. Snow was about a foot deep on the road. Couldn't see where I was going. Called my friends and told them I wouldn't make it over. Decided to go home. Drove the 5 miles back to where the snow started and it was like the Bermuda Triangle. No snow, roads clear. Behind me, blizzards. As my friend said when I called them, it wasn't meant to be. I actually felt like something was trying to stop me getting that ferry - twice in two days I tried but freak weather stopped me.

Anyway. I drove 15 miles or so and though, I wonder if my friend fancies company over the weekend. My holiday was a blow-out but we could have a nice time. So I texted her and she said that would be great.

So I got there and spent the remainder of Saturday and all day Sunday with her and her two girls. We had a great time. Went to see Avatar (overhyped) with her 7 year old D, held hands and surprisingly enough I had a fantastic time. No guilt. No thoughts about W. No thoughts about anything actually. Just trying to indulge in the moment. It was just really nice. Felt more relaxed around her than I ever have with anybody else (including when I started dating W). I can talk. I can be me. I can just open myself up (a little - baby steps here) and it's just all fine.

So, that was my weekend. Things have gone further since then and we have started telling people about each other. Just that we have met each other. Nothing silly. Things are moving at a rockets pace and while I am worried about it, it actually just feels nice. It feels fine. It feels good. No wedding bells or anything silly. Just two people who seem to click having a really nice time with each other. I am constantly watching things though and will pull back as soon as things go the wrong way.

I feel good about it. I don't feel I'm filling a gap that W left with my friend. I don't feel I'm doing anything other than enjoying her company. I am going back down to see her on the Valentines Day weekend (the next weekend I have free - no other significance). She will then be coming to see me the second weekend after that.

It feels nice to have somebody tell you your good points, how attractive they find you (and she really does dig me!). The best bit of all of this is she had a few crises with friends over the last few days. The self help books, the understanding, forgiveness and all the other stuff us LBS's learn just kicked in and it really bowled her over. This stuff is just natural to me now. I slip up like everybody else but I've also surprised myself by how much I've really come on. This friend has done more for me than she could imagine outside of any relationship we may have. I have evaluated and verified that I have changed. These changes are real and permanent. I really do like who I am now.

The one thing I hate about this? I know the new 'honeymoon' period that we are embarking upon in the relationship, a kind of love that we all get at the start. It's not magic. It's not fairytales. It's effing chemicals in the brain It kind of ruins the whole mystique for me!!

So there you have it. P was done with the M and W. Now he has a potential new relationship with a wonderful girl. Will it go the distance? Absolutely no idea. DO I want it to? Again, no idea. Am I going to get on with life and see where it goes? Absolutely.

And just to end this part, my friend is the same age as me and has two girls - D7 and D12. I remember reading in this forum once about how difficult it is to find somebody who will want them when they had kids. I never thought twice about this and she has one who is about to become a rebellious teenager. I love kids ... couldn't a whole one, but I love them.

So P, the LBS is now in fact a WAS. I did it the right way though. I tried to fix the M before we separated and after. I can look myself in the mirror and say I did everything that I could to fix it. WAW killed the M. Not me.

Solicitor, house and moving front is going very slowly. I have been very busy the last few days so haven't had a chance to do much with it all. Haven't heard back from my L. Will chase that tomorrow. Haven't chased the flats. Doing that tomorrow. Plans haven't changed though ... getting out of here asap.

Finally, the friends I was TRYING to go and see at the weekend called last night. They are getting married! Booked the date - 4 December.

2x4's, advice, comments, or complaints to the usual address ... I'm still here.

P.S. Cutter, why exactly are out stories so damn similar and at the same times too ...

[newmama]

P, I don't see anything bad? No 2x4s here...I am very happy for you! Maybe the storm was a sign for you to be with your friend as part of the healing amd ego boost you needed!

You are living in the present and wise about knowing the rush of endorphins is temporary. I guess just take it slow is all. But where you live, even if you wanted to divorce, you'd have to wait another year, right?

BTW just wanted to clarify that I meant it was good that you would be close to D NOT D's mom.

[P17]

First, thank goodness you are moving so you don't have to run into W anymore, especially now that she's being greedy about the house.

Greedy and vindictive.

Second, if D's mom is moving to the same location you are, then that means you won't have to travel so far to see her! Excellent!

It probably won't be for quite some time as she is looking for a house swap but it's a step in the right direction.

Third, are you tempted to just make out w/ D's mum in the middle of the store where W works, just for fun? hahaha--I am not serious!!

We already talked about that sometime ago. We'd go into the store skipping hand-in-hand

D's mum said she was in the store just the other day with her ex-partner and she said W looked very confused looking at them. More proof she thinks me and D's mum are back together.

P, I don't see anything bad? No 2x4s here...I am very happy for you! Maybe the storm was a sign for you to be with your friend as part of the healing amd ego boost you needed!

That's actually what I thought

You are living in the present and wise about knowing the rush of endorphins is temporary. I guess just take it slow is all. But where you live, even if you wanted to divorce, you'd have to wait another year, right?

I could actually divorce now. You can divorce immediately on the grounds of adultery or unreasonable behaviour. You can divorce after a year if both parties agree (called a Quickie Divorce) or after two years without consent from the other party.

Perhaps when W hears about my new relationship (and she will - no matter what I do to try and hide it, she will hear so there is no point in trying to hide it) she will file for D on the grounds of adultery. That's not possible at the moment (as I'm not an adulterer) but I'm not going to sit here and pretend that as this relationship potentially develops that things won't happen.

Anyway, W wants a D she can do the legwork herself and pay for it. As I've said many times, and it appears to be becoming my new mantra - I don't care - or as my IC puts it - I don't WANT to care.

BTW just wanted to clarify that I meant it was good that you would be close to D NOT D's mom.

No, I got that newmama