She called and texted me this morning while I was at work. She said I am not moving on getting out of the house and she will start researching and she will find an apartment for me since I am not moving on it. I politely said No Thank You - I can do it myself - didnt want to get into an argument at work - but I am not leaving. I am not planning on leaving until courts tell me I have to or I have to move to find work once March rolls around. I intend to tell her this again when she hands me the LS papers tonight. She said something last night that if I dont leave, she will get nasty - go to court - and tell them I hit her to get me out - whatever it takes. She is HELLBENT on getting me out of the house.
Me: 48 W: 47 M: 25 years T: 30 years S24, D21, D11 Bomb dropped: "Not in love with you" 10/09 Separated Feb 2010
I'm still curious if people out there think I should confront her or not about a graphic picture of her that was placed on the family PC last week. I found it by accident this weekend. She's obviously exchanging photos with someone. Is it worth confronting, or, should I keep to myself for now?
Me: 48 W: 47 M: 25 years T: 30 years S24, D21, D11 Bomb dropped: "Not in love with you" 10/09 Separated Feb 2010
Wife just called me at work to tell me she is going to look at an apartment for me and that I HAVE TO MOVE OUT. She is giving me LS papers tonight and this is for real and she wants out of the marriage and I HAVE TO LEAVE. I told her I'll look at the papers but I am not leaving until legally told I have to. This is getting nasty - but I am trying to stay calm........ If she has to leave, then she says she will leave with my girls and NOT let me see them.
Me: 48 W: 47 M: 25 years T: 30 years S24, D21, D11 Bomb dropped: "Not in love with you" 10/09 Separated Feb 2010
This is definitely stressful stuff....... hopefully keep my cool tonight when I get papers.... still wondering what everyone thinks about confronting wife about her graphic picture......
Me: 48 W: 47 M: 25 years T: 30 years S24, D21, D11 Bomb dropped: "Not in love with you" 10/09 Separated Feb 2010
She gave me the LS papers tonight. I was pissed but it went ok - tried to be business like. Am seeing a lawyer on Wed. I cannot lie - this is the worst night of my life and feeling very alone - very bad feelings - but I fought the temptation to yell or complain or talk with her about it. I wanted to be nasty and tell her she destroyed our marriage - but I somehow kept my mouth shut. I hate her right now for doing this to us - is that a terrible way to feel?
Me: 48 W: 47 M: 25 years T: 30 years S24, D21, D11 Bomb dropped: "Not in love with you" 10/09 Separated Feb 2010
I guess this thread is dying out - but I'll continue to post since it makes me feel better to vent. Got thru the night ok - I guess I mentally prepared myself for getting the LS papers, but today I feel like the life was sucked out of me - feel very empty, alone, sad. Today is much tougher than last night. In addition, this morning I was sort of zombie state, just getting ready for work and mind kind of numb. When my W got up, she came downstairs and commented immediately that I didnt take care of the dishes. Normally, my routine is to empty dishwasher in the morning and put dirty dishes into it. I dont know why, I didnt even think of dishes this morning, so I had a complete brain freeze. She said to me "You didnt do the dishwasher like your normal routine, and thats not right" - impling I did it on purpose to spite her. That was not the case, and when I realized I had completely forgot - she cut me off and said "I dont want to hear your excuses". I was furious, but kept my anger in check, said nothing, and left for work. Stupid and petty stuff, to be sure, but words do hurt like hell sometimes. Especially I guess when you're already feeling in the dumps. Later....
Me: 48 W: 47 M: 25 years T: 30 years S24, D21, D11 Bomb dropped: "Not in love with you" 10/09 Separated Feb 2010
Hi Tom-haven't read through your sitch but noticed on your last post that your W did notice the dishes and how that was different from what you normally do so that tells me that she is watching you for reactions and will notice any changes...you need to keep working on those 180's because she will also notice any good changes you make! I see you have sandi on your side! That is awesome! Hang in there!
M48 H53 M16 T18 S16 D13 SS30 H drops bomb PA/8-30-09 H leaves 12-30-09 D filed by H 2-10 H asks to come home 4-11 Piecing
Thanks for jumping in. I honestly didnt look at it that way. But I guess there is some truth there - the fact that she noticed something - although I truly believe her thoughts were that she now had to take care of it because I did not and she thought I did it purposely, which of course I didnt. Since I honestly forgot, my normal action would be to text or email her this morning and apologize. I have been thinking 180, 180, 180, 180 and fought myself everytime I started typing. Its a definite 180 for me NOT TO SAY I"M SORRY, and I am feeling good that I caught myself and did a 180, even if its a little thing. Thanks for that insight. How r u doing? Is your story in a thread? If yes - send me the title of the thread - I'm going to look for your username as well...... Thanks again for jumping in.......
Me: 48 W: 47 M: 25 years T: 30 years S24, D21, D11 Bomb dropped: "Not in love with you" 10/09 Separated Feb 2010
Tom, You are not alone, I was reading last night late and I could not remember the particulars of your sitch. Your thread is not dying out and just because somebody does not respond right away doesn't mean no one cares. You are in a great forum and I will tell you that I have made great friends here. The people here understand your pain and your dedication to your marriage, and your family. Let me tell you right now, that is something to be proud of in this world of disposable everything, here today, gone tomorrow mentality. You are a real man, and real men have feelings and needs, and it is okay, in fact it is good.
While I don't have any great advice for you other than, control your emotions, you are doing a great job, far better than I have done in the past. I have tried to read up on what my wife is going through, MLC and it helps me have compassion for her at a time when she is ripping our family to shreds and hurting me daily. Your wife is huting also and her pain runs deeper than you can imagine. She is angry right now and she is acting like a child that is throwing a fit. This stage will pass and the way you are handling it is great. Try to concentrate on you and the kids.
As far as the legal stuff goes, you may want to seek out some others on the board for advice. All I can say is stay in the house, do not leave and if she threatens to lie about something again try to record her saying so. I have recorded a couple of discussions with my wife. You can go to best buy and get a voice activated digital recorded that can hook up to the computer to off load recordings. You do need to protect yourself legally.
Tom, it will get better, you are just in the storm right now and it is hard to see. Hang in there. I will check back in tonight.
Formerly "missherlove"
Me49 XW49 M17 T19 S16 D20
Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free.
