I agree, its the new me that my ex is seeing. Its the new me that she wants there for her surgery and after. It would be so simple to fall back into the old selfish me that ruined our R to start with. Stay the course. Easier said than done, I know, but it will be worth it.
I wasn't even thinking that! Thanks for reminding me. But yes I certainly don't want the old R back. And he has asked me out and slept with me in response to the changes that's a good sign!
I just WISH for a more definite indication that my h wants ME back! I mean he does stuff but has yet to SAY he wants our m. Today I want verbal reassurance that we WON"T be getting d on the 17th! I WANT IT!!!! TODAY!!!! I want the words...is that wrong???? I guess it's ok to want it just don't push to get it ....or even ask.
I'm going to really have to bite my tongue when I see him tonight because I'm sorely tempted to ASK!!!!! I hope/pray he says something about it first!!! Or at least mentions the continuance notice.
Remember to act as if. Don't say anything or push, especially push. I know from experience, usually you will push them to say something negative, or mean, or exactly what you don't want to hear.
He was at the soccer field when I got there. I walked up to him and tried to kiss him hello. He turned his face away and said I don't think so. I said well what is the problem? He said you know. I said can we walk over there and talk so we are not in the hearing range of the boys? He said no, what for? I said so you got the continuance? He said yes...how come I lied. I said I didn't lie I told you 2 weeks ago I didn't want the d and would file the continuance or dismiss. He said I did not. I said I did because I remember every other horrible thing you said to me that night how could I forget what positives I said!
I asked how can you be mad at the continuance? It's not like I'm sleeping with some om while I'm trying to fix my m. I said you act like you are the only one that has been hurt or lied to. What about when you were dating ow and sleeping with me...wasn't I lied to, treated wrongly? But I forgave you, came back to try again. Even just this weekend...after all the mean stuff you told me here I am again trying to work on this with you. You tell me I have to get over the wrong things you do to me well can't you get over me filing for the d last year and just move onto a new r with me? I said do you think it's fair to hurt us like this? To have us come over act like its on then turn around and be mad that I want more time for MY m and call the family quits? You are not showing the boys how to handle a relationship and totally showing them how to disrespect woman. This roller coaster ride with you is just too much. (I was totally calm as I said all this....like that makes it better .)
During that whole time he acted like I wasn't even there! Looking everywhere but at me. Finally I said ok so if you want this d then you can pay the remaining costs. That got his attention...he said hell no because it was MY divorce not his!!! And I should pay all my attorney fees. I said well ok then I'll have the judge make the ruling he said you can't do that. I said I'm the one with the attorney I think I would know what the legal system will let me do...after all this is my divorce I can do what I want. He said no you can't and I'm not paying for your d. I walked away. Then I noticed he was getting into my van so I hurried over there and told him to get out of it. I told him that I loved him but could not understand how he could hurt the boys and I like this...by making us a family one day then calling it quits 2 days later! I said I don't think you realize how you are hurting them and me. He said well if that is the case then YOU should not have filed for the d! I finally blew my top and said you know what you are one F****d up dude! And I"m so tired of hearing how this is my fault for filing! You are right I can't be happy with you, you can't be a husband, you can't be a father and you have no balls to even say ILY to your own kids.
He got in his car at that point and drove away.
Well I guess that it is finally over as far as the paper work goes. We are getting the d. I can't do anything right by this man...he's totally upset because he sees me as filing the continuance behind his back....though I distinctly remember telling him quite clearly!!!!! 2 weeks ago. I can't make any headway because he conveniently forgets things I say.
I don't see any way out of the d now. I just screwed up royally!!!
I'm so in denial this is happening. I feel like I'm holding my breath. 11 days until d day and I'm so dreading it.
It will be so hard to wait and see if he will even be interested in coming back once the d is final...especially in light of all the horrible things I said to him on Tuesday. (but how is he different from me...he said ugly things to me too but I came back...alas he is not me:() Though a lot could happen in 11 days...he may agree to the continuance.
Should I call, leave VM saying I'm sorry I said such cruel things?
that's a good sign!
....or even ask.
!