Once again I could use some input! Friday night my H came to get my daughter. He was in a foul mood and would hardly talk. He just kept mumbling that he is in a bad place and then said he was depressed but didn't want to talk about it. I told him that no matter what happened to us that I loved him and I was worried about him.
Sunday he called to talk to me which he never does. I answered the phone and he was crying. He just kept saying he was miserable and nothing is making him happy. "REALLLLYYY I hadn't noticed" is what I wanted to say with sarcasim oozing from each letter but instead I told him that I knew he was depressed and that even our D had been commenting on how unhappy Daddy is. I told him that actually all of his friends knew he was in a bad place and were worried.
He then goes on about how he doesn't do anything anymore and he is sick of trying to do anything. He said he has never been able to please anyone and no one has ever loved him unconditionally (actually he did say he realized the only people that had unconditionally loved him were MY parents which is true). He started going into me and all that I had done wrong in our marriage. At first I started defending myself but then tried to remember what I had learned and backed off. I told him I had made mistakes and I didn't know if we could ever make it but that right now that wasn't important because I was worried about him.
He did say that me backing away from him was the best thing I could have ever done. He was blaming me for all his unhappiness but he is realizing that he is in a bad place and it wasn't me causing all of his pain. He said everything he is doing to make himself happy is not working!
Okay, sounds like textbook MLC. Luckily because of all I have read on these forums I knew that when he came to get my D that same day (yesterday) he was probably going to be upset with himself for ever calling me. Well sure enough he picked her up and wouldn't hardly talk to me or look at me. Same thing when he brought her home.
This is so frustrating. So if I understand what I have learned I should still stay friendly but aloof. I have a feeling he is going to try to push my buttons again and I have to act like I don't care?! Is that right? You guys have been right so far so please help me out. I know each MLC can be different but it does seem like certain things are universal with them! I did feel like at one point when we passed each other he wanted me to hug him but I just kept walking?! Not sure if that was the right thing to do or not!
His phone call was pathetic and my heart was breaking for him. I know so much and it is sad to see him floundering yet he has to be the one to want to get help! But I must admit I was extremely frustrated when he acted mad at me when he saw me and for saying I was the cause of every problem in our marriage with him taking no fault!!! They are truly a mess!!!!
