Since my goal is trying to make things work while being semi-separated and planning toward a D, I'm trying to do these things:
- Not talk about if there is love (good suggestion Lotus) - Not talk about wanting a D - Not having sex, but being open to sharing a bed - Trying to touch or sit near her when speaking about R things - Going through D mediation, but I gave dates in March to meet the mediator (why discuss what hopefully won't come to pass) - Insisting on W going for counselling as a minimum. I told her and she seems to agree that it is good for her, M or D, and that it couldn't hurt. - Trying to smile, keep working out, making myself feel healthy within M - Getting caught up on work - Being calm when angry - Listening to her better - Still being me, not who I think she wants me to be - Clarifying what I must have and want to have in a relationship (what am I complaining about that I should let go) - Finding compromises that I have made but am unwilling to keep making: I'll let her know these over time, I think
Beyond counselling, I am expecting (Got some of this list from Gnosis'): - A woman who WANTS to be with me, not needs to be. This is a bit hard, because she has always been overdependent. - Who supports my dreams and will give me the freedom to pursue them. I know I need to communicate and be patient, but my ADHD means I need to have a variety of strengths and that means developing myself - Who can accept my growth as a process that takes time, not expecting miracles - Who confides in me and values my opinion. I don't need her to agree, just to consider my point of view. - Who understands how much I value some independence - Who is confident enough to not make bad religious, maritial, or parenting decisions based on anger or feelings of weakness. (thus the push for counseling)
