I'm sorry but lawyers are the only way. I'm worrying right now that X will move into apartments on the property with OW, just to cause me to have to move out in emotional distress.
See your attyn. Keep your knowledge to yourself. Don't put anything in writing, and say as little as possible about it.
It's horrible that you have to remain in the house together,but now with the cell-phone to the face, you actually have a case for a restraining order.
Think about it.
Me: 44 Him: 42 Together: 23 years; never married Bomb: August 1, 2009 Affair since May 2009 Walk away; no conversation; no process
I gave her until tonight to answer me on the OM. She claims that I'm blackmailing her. I make it as simple as possible, but she tries to justify with the "you broke my privacy, I don't trust you"
I say if it is no big deal with OM then stop contact. If it is a big deal then move out of our home and contact all you want.
She does not want to get a lawyer cause is too much money, ditto with the mediator. She wants to come up with a plan together. I told her to start with her side and give it to me for my input.
Still struggling with the police report. I'm trying to guage weather it is an action that in the end will bring us closer or further apart. I realize that if I would have done that, someone would have been bailing me out the next morning, so it should be easy.
M=37 W=40 Married=10,T=12 D=10 D=8 WAW Bomb=1/12 EA confirmed=1/13 EA exposed=1/27 Current In house separation
I think the "does it drive you further apart, or draw you closer together?" is a false choice. One of the biggest problems I have with the DB catechism.
Sometimes you HAVE to do something that may initially push you further apart, because:
a) it's the right thing to do; and
b) it sets an important boundary, which leads to longer-term respect (and because women tie their feelings of LOVE very closely with their feelings of RESPECT, ultimately, LOVE).
If you caught your teenage child with drugs in their room, and you took away their driving privileges for three months and told them if you found them again, you would call the police and let them arrest him/her . . . would it "pull you closer together" or "push you further apart?"
That's just one example, but there are tons of them. Your wife will never love you until she respects you, and she will never respect you until she sees that you RESPECT YOURSELF.
Privacy is what you need to go to the bathroom, secrets, lies and deceit are what you keep from your spouse with an affair.
The script -invading privacy, don't trust you- is the exact spew I heard my wife and many others have heard the exact same. Wake up, it is her trying to justify her actions and deflect. You must man up and file the report, i am in the same boat with threats and talking with L today.
Cannon, I'm glad you heard the advice given to you here and are filing that report.
Don't bother worrying too much about your M and the love you crave from your W. Regain your self-respect and start earning the respect from her first - as a PERSON.
As Puppy put it, she is cheating on you, lying, assaults you with her phone and the next to last post you put up details you giving her time to respond on OM? And being emotionally in a strong enough position to be accusing YOU of blackmail? which then leads to more waffling from you on OM ...
I know you're hurting in more ways than one right now, but you really need to detach, drop the co-dependency, and let her bear the reality of her choices STARTING with (and not ending) with the police report.
Best of luck!
Me 42 W 39 Married: 11 Jan 1998, T: Since 1992 First Bomb: Sep 2007 Confirmed A/OM: 4 Nov 2007 Kids: D10, S5 Reconciled and together again after (alot of) time and heartbreak. 3rd kid, S, born 2 Jan 2010.
