25, once I can get through this depression and having panic attacks I will GAL. See, I have a hard time driving with my panic attacks coming back because of this whole mess. I don't know if you have ever experienced one or not but they are awful! I shake all the way to work and back, and then one hits and look out. H doesn't know I have these back again. I had them after my Dad passed on 8yrs. ago and here I go again. It takes everything I have just to get to work in the morning. I'm like one of those commercials that are on TV. I shake all the time, have no energy, and I'm afraid to drive....especially in the dark.
They changed my antidepressant and last week they increased the dose so I'm hoping this helps. I'm praying this helps. It is a crippling thing let me tell you.
Oh, and to top everything off S19 tells me he is moving out and going to live with GF. So now I'm even worse than before. Even though he is mentally challenged I can't stop him because of his age. And trust me he is in one heck of a mess. It is his first girlfriend, she is 21 and has 2 children already. Plus he is bipolar and hasn't taken his meds in over 8 days.
H and S19 were fighting all of the time before H left. But we didn't know that S19 had anything wrong with him.....just thought it was the lovely teenage stage, well we were wrong. So D13 spent the Sat and part of Sun. with H and told him about S19 moving out. I love her to death but she has a big mouth LOL. So H's response was that he was going to take him off of his health insurance and asked D13 who was going to cut the grass now?
In the past when H would say somethings like that to D13 I would call or text him out of anger because he knows that she is going to tell me what he says. He likes to push my buttons I think. But I didn't say or do anything.
I know I'm rambling here but what a weekend I had. I need to get myself up off the couch on the weekends and start cleaning the house out. Getting rid of stuff and organizing because I haven't been doing much lately at all because of the depression. So I guess that will have to be my GAL for now, because I will probably have to sell the house.
I really don't know how much more I can take. I miss my S19 so much and can't believe he let this girl talk him into it. He told me that he doesn't want to follow rules or anything anymore and he wants to be with her. I love him so much but there is nothing I can do now. So H will see that the rest of us are falling apart and probably won't ever want to come home.
