I think the "does it drive you further apart, or draw you closer together?" is a false choice. One of the biggest problems I have with the DB catechism.
Sometimes you HAVE to do something that may initially push you further apart, because:
a) it's the right thing to do; and
b) it sets an important boundary, which leads to longer-term respect (and because women tie their feelings of LOVE very closely with their feelings of RESPECT, ultimately, LOVE).
If you caught your teenage child with drugs in their room, and you took away their driving privileges for three months and told them if you found them again, you would call the police and let them arrest him/her . . . would it "pull you closer together" or "push you further apart?"
That's just one example, but there are tons of them. Your wife will never love you until she respects you, and she will never respect you until she sees that you RESPECT YOURSELF.
