I've hit a wall.. Now what?

[talia]

Hey Pearl!

I do feel empowered and I have a deep sense of pride when I sit in my living room and look around. It feels amazing to put so much into something that needed TLC so badly.

The woodwork was light oak. It looks really nice white and it's given the whole house a fresher, more contemporary look! I wouldn't have done it if it was stained dark - I LOVE that look too! But since I coudln't afford to replace it all a few cans of primer/paint go a long way.

I'll post before and after's on FB when we are done. Just a couple more weeks I hope! I can't wait...

The funny thing about letting H see it - I really only want him to becuase I want him to see how much better it is - at least I recognize that I'm looking for some EN's from him and I now understand that I can't get them from him. Its unlikely he would respond in a way that would be fulfilling for me so I need to just get them somewhere else! I'm amazed 1) that I still want those EN's from him sometimes 2) that I've come far enough to recognize and deal in a more empowering way.
I guess I'll just play the house thing out - I really don't want any negative energy there - its my happy zone.

I still haven't responded to his little temper tantrum last week. I do need to get back to him as some point about when we can talk. Ugh... I don't want to deal with what I assume will be a healthy dose of little boy anger when I tell him I'm not going to do this his way. I'll call him tonight and just get it over with. End of this week it will be 5 months since he left. I can't believe how time flies, that I got through the holidays, that I'm seeing the light on my grief, really that I've come this far in general. I can actually imagine a day where he is gone into his crazy land and I'm fine. That thought still scares me, but I can imagine it and see myself thriving.

Anyway... I better actually get some work done today. I'm looking forward to my first Bellydance class tonight!

Talia