I bought her a bouquet of lilies, put them in a vase, and left that and a sympathy card on her desk.
This is what the card said: ===== [Wife],
I can only imagine the grief and the loss you must have felt when you received the news from the doctor about your future.
This is the most soul-wrenching news that you could have ever expected to receive; and I know that this changes our future forever.
I love you very much, and I am grieving this loss more intensely than I could have ever imagined.
I know that you have doubts about us, but I have faith that the two of us are still only the beginning of a family. That family began with [Cat one], [Cat two] and [Dog one]. And we have already overcome the loss of [Cat one] and [Dog one], and our family grew again to include [Dog two], [Dog three], and [Dog four].
So I know that we will heal from this, and that our family will grow again in the near future to include children.
I long for the day when you choose to commit to this family again. I know that you will not regret it.
With all of my heart, Your loving husband, [me]
(NOTE: Dog three does not live with us any more. We found a good home for her -- next door, in fact.)
I know she read the card, but I have not discussed it with her yet.
Me: 44, Wife: 39 M: 17 years T: 20 years Bomb on 08/25/09 1/13/10: MC started 1/28/10, 2/8/10: More bombs 8/28/10: Wife moved out No talk of D, no movement
You are doing all you can do. It is wonderful to have supportive family members, even if at the time you think that is not what you want. I know that you know this could go against your hopes. All I can say is to be prepared. And even more than being prepared for this week's decision, be prepared for the possibility that this will not resolve in a short time frame.
And the more I think about it, the more I think that separation will not be the worst thing in the world for us.
Several people have asked me what I want. Besides the obvious -- to stay married to a woman that I have loved for 12 years -- I don't know anymore. If we stay together, I have to find myself again. If we split up, I definitely have to find myself again.
My biggest fear for her (call it co-dependancy, call it compassion) is that she will leave our relationship and end up miserable because she will never address her emotional issues. Or worse, that she will rediscover herself but feel like she can never talk to me again because I wouldn't be able to forgive her.
Me: 44, Wife: 39 M: 17 years T: 20 years Bomb on 08/25/09 1/13/10: MC started 1/28/10, 2/8/10: More bombs 8/28/10: Wife moved out No talk of D, no movement
And I just spent two hours on the phone with an old friend who is going through her own divorce.
She's doing better, but she has almost daily contact with her ex. He has some mental health issues he's working on, and she is still helping him out until he's in a better place.
Me: 44, Wife: 39 M: 17 years T: 20 years Bomb on 08/25/09 1/13/10: MC started 1/28/10, 2/8/10: More bombs 8/28/10: Wife moved out No talk of D, no movement
I have followed your sitch and wanted to let you know that you and your wife are in my prayers my friend - If you want to talk, you know where to find me.
(((Hugs)))
May All Who Seek To Take My Life Be Put To Shame And Confusion; May All Who Desire My Ruin Be Turned Back In Disgrace. ~Psalm 40:14~
Or worse, that she will rediscover herself but feel like she can never talk to me again because I wouldn't be able to forgive her.
I know I'm replying to myself, but I just want to say that I can forgive her for my sake; as part of the grieving process for the marriage, I'd have to.
I could forgive her for her sake, if she were interested in trying again. But it would be a new relationship, from the beginning. I would insist on counseling for her AND for us.
And I could leave the door open for that, but not forever. It would be many months before I could even consider getting into a serious relationship with anyone, let alone contemplate marriage again. But I'm not my father; I would not leave another relationship to try to rekindle one with her.
Me: 44, Wife: 39 M: 17 years T: 20 years Bomb on 08/25/09 1/13/10: MC started 1/28/10, 2/8/10: More bombs 8/28/10: Wife moved out No talk of D, no movement
Trent, remember, we have free will, but God has a Plan. I can only speak for myself, those don't always sync up. Otherwise, I would have won the Lottery $$ by now. Now, go do the hard work. You can do this.
