I don't feel ready to go over to piecing...H has dropped GF, has altered plans and involved me and been spending lots of time (while he is briefly in town). He has started IC...no proclamation of wanting to officially get back together but we've had some heated talks about some of the ramifications of him having villainized me with his close friends (creating a real chasm for such a social guy)...and there have been references to his "stupidity" (his word)...
I just don't know how to navigate this. I see a very self-centered admittedly insecure and immature man. But this is the man I married and made my kids with. If we can stay married, that seems to be optimal but it also seems I'm settling for the same sh*t that I was unbearably miserable living with before.
Unconditional love is beautiful in theory but unconditional marriage is really a challenge. I was a "controlling, nagging, difficult" wife before, how do I get reasonable needs and necessities met and dealt with without hitting that nerve with him? (I'm not to keen on wearing the pants anyway)...
I'm really more the WAW at this point than the LBS (except of course that I have now been left twice by him)...but when push comes to shove, it is me who is willing to seal the deal and end this if need be. Oh, Limbo, such a mediocre place to be...no "I love you[s]," no promises of a life spent together no matter what...and frankly I wouldn't believe those words if I heard them unless/until some major work was done on his part.
Yes, I have changed, I have worked on myself, I have carried some major weight with relative grace...so now how does the new me fit with the old he? To be determined...
