New Year... New Life!

[sandycay]

Sure I'll take a superboot! Good luck with the filing....it's pretty painless.

FEAR has held me stagnate for a long time. I think it does for most of us on here.

I am not bothered by being alone. I have spent much of the marriage alone as STBXH has always traveled vey much during the marriage. I am aware it's not the same but there isn't a void to fill because he's not here. The kids and I are used to that so it's very normal for him to not be here. They don't miss him and I don't miss him. For the few times they spend with him they hate it about 90% of the time. Because he moans, lectures, stresses, and complains constantly. My kids don't like being around unhappy people. So they would rather not go.

After the D is settled I won't make them go as the decision will be solely up to them. By that time FFG will be introduced to them and i won't have to "sneak" around to spend time with him.

[goldeylox]

Parallel universe, minus the traveling bit. My H would come home every night and rage at me and kids.
Sounds like you are in a very good place, honey. I'm looking forward to getting the filing over with, and getting on with the rest of my life!

[sandycay]

Well, between wacky moments with stbx, he did show up for two sporting events this weekend.

I even got to spend some time with FFG. FFG is constantly doing things that show me "he's just that into me" thanks BBJ for the book suggestion. I really think everyone should read it before dating. I wish they had a toned down version for my D to read when age appropriate but heck I may let her read it anyway.

He drove out of his way 45 minutes to spend a total of 15 minutes with me this morning. We met at a parking lot and exchanged goodies. He brought me some meatloaf he made at the firestation last night and I brought him cookies. That was unexpected as neither of us told the other. But seriously, he could have taken the ferry home but no... rode his motorcycle around for 75 minute ride in drizzle and cold.... to see ME?

Wow, to think somebody thinks that much about spending time with me. The words of STBXH echo... "I hate when I pull in the driveway and your car is in the garage... it makes me sick to my stomach".

Funny thing about fear.... it's holding me back on moving forward in this relationship too. Fear kept me hostage in a bad one and now fear is keeping me from moving forward in a good one. I second guess my self, my value, my worthiness, but ability to read bullshat.

FFG and I have very open communications about this and our commumnication is very clear.

His answers and question are thought-worthy and invoke conversations that are positive in nature. There just seems to me that it's all going so well, I'm scared to death.

[BobbiJo]

Yay, he IS that into you!!

I am finding a lot of good nuggets in the follow-up, It's Called a Breakup Because Its Broken. Will have to post them later...

Fear is very natural. I know after I rolled my car on gravel and totalled it, it took literally a few YEARS before I could drive over 25 mph on gravel and not feel nervous. I slipped and tore all the stuff in my ankle two years ago, and I still get anxious walking on an icy sidewalk.

Time and consistent actions from FFG and from yourself will show you if there is anything to fear...doesn't sound like it so far though!

[goldeylox]

"We exchanged goodies"...is that what they call it now?
He is FOR SURE into you.
And what is this book you speak of? Because I gotta tell you, I'm not ready to date yet, but when I am...
Well, let's just say I am open to reading a few books and improving myself.

[Kalni]

Sandy,
I like what "you are doing with yourself"!! Being careful and keeping yoru eyes open is not a bad thing IMO. It could be fear but it could also be wisdom...
xxx
K

[sandycay]

Time and consistent actions from FFG and from yourself will show you if there is anything to fear...doesn't sound like it so far though!

Here's the problem with that:

I had that for 15 years with STBXH. He was a good H for alll those years... no red flags, until 3 years ago.

[BobbiJo]

Time and consistent actions from FFG and from yourself will show you if there is anything to fear...doesn't sound like it so far though!

Here's the problem with that:

I had that for 15 years with STBXH. He was a good H for alll those years... no red flags, until 3 years ago.

Yeah, I'd like to say the same, but I just had selective vision...

OK, then, in your case...

Can you just let it be? Go forward eyes wide open, knowing it could end, but enjoying it while it lasts?

Honestly I am not sure if I could. I get awfully attached...but if everything is going well now, no need to 'borrow trouble', right?

[sandycay]

"We exchanged goodies"...is that what they call it now?
He is FOR SURE into you.
And what is this book you speak of? Because I gotta tell you, I'm not ready to date yet, but when I am...
Well, let's just say I am open to reading a few books and improving myself.

LOL Goldie.... It's called "He'ss just not the into You" Great Book!
We were in a parking lot cause he can't come to the house. We are waiting till I am legally D'd before we involve my kids. Makes it tricky cause I have them most of the time. It's just another month and it will be done!

[sandycay]

Sandy,
I like what "you are doing with yourself"!! Being careful and keeping yoru eyes open is not a bad thing IMO. It could be fear but it could also be wisdom...
xxx
K

That's good food for thought K. Thanks for that.