Are regrets when you end a separation normal?

[june72]

I, semi-regretfully, re-began our steps toward divorce today.

Samerah and I were still fighting over problems, and she began again with I can’t continue this way type of stuff. Later, I returned more calmly, apologizing for some of my earlier behaviour. I tried to direct her to counselling. She refused after a lot of fighting/arguing. I asked her if she understood that I couldn’t go on without her going to counselling, she said she didn’t care, wouldn’t go.

I, sitting, asked for a divorce again. She began with anger saying that it was now over and we need to move on forever. I told her I hope she reconsidered counselling and trying to love me for who I am, then, I held her and she hugged back and cried. I felt some remorse for what I had done, and still do. We have 3 months to work it out or move on.

We talked for a half an hour about why I did this – that she has said ‘nothings changing’ and ‘there’s not hope so we should divorce’ and other similar messages 7 times in one month, three times of which she clearly asked to get the divorce started. I strongly expressed that I hope she will come to improve her self-esteem so that she can get her needs met (and me mine) without resorting to all or nothing statements, doom and gloom, and anger.

I can only say one word here - BULLY!!!

WTH!!! You can not threaten D so that she will get counseling. You BOTH need counseling. If there is anything you learn for this site- please take this piece of information to heart and really get it. YOU, yes, YOU need to make changes. YOu BOTH need counseling and marriage counseling.

Read hold onto your NUTS- I am reading it now- got it for my hubby. It is highly recommended here.

Perhaps she does need counseling- you do not state that you will D her if she does not!!! You both need MC- if she is not interested first you still do the work towards improving your marriage. Man up!