Wondering what should I do about our planned visit Sunday? Should I hang out at his place? Should I spend the night if he wants me to? What exactly should I say no to and how much time should I spend there? Would I be better off ACTING AS IF we are back together?
How would you act if you had just met this person for the first time. Try and put all the past behind and no expectations of tomorrow. Thats where I kept messing up. Everytime me and ex were intimate, she would later say she was afraid I was getting the wrong message. I should have taken the moment for what it was, but I looking down the road and was fearful that we would not have another moment.
Quote: How would you act if you had just met this person for the first time.
gosh this is hard to think about since I've been 'dating' the same person for 13 years! I don't know where to start looking at this as a NEW date!?
I can do the no expectations things though and really concentrate on having fun with him.
Quote: should have taken the moment for what it was, but I looking down the road and was fearful that we would not have another moment.
That's what I am...fearful that there will NOT be another moment. He seems to be most content with the current situation...in no hurry to see me. Whereas I would LOVE to see him every day!!!! It's frustrating to be with someone who is so hesitant....but I'm sure you understand what I'm saying .
My h called Saturday afternoon to invite the boys and I over to watch movies. I spent the night. We hung out all day Sunday but then to change things up a bit...I left this evening. I didn't want to spend the night again tonight like I would normally.
He didn't say anything when I left just kissed me good-bye but he did look confused as to why I was leaving. He didn't ask so I volunteered no info.
It was a good night and day together, no r talk!!! I felt ok about it but wonder what he thought about it all. We got 15 days until d hearing...I wonder when he will say something about THAT!!!
He'll go to the mail tomorrow and pick up notice of the continuance...oh, boy!!!
Now I guess I'm going to see if he calls me....again.
Welcome back!!! I missed you. You must have had a blast!
My sitch has made a big drastic turn!!! I'm just going with the flow and no r talk. I left tonight instead of doing what I NORMALLY would do...stay!!! I hope it got him thinking.
What do you mean by
Quote: For a while I stayed, like so many felt it was a way to keep a tie and gosh it is SOO GOOD!! For me I had to keep in mind that it doesn't mean the same thing for me as it does for him.
? I know men think different but what do you think they really think about being intimate with us when we are estranged?
My H was fearful of being intimate with me because he didn't want to get reattached after having detached...but eventually, we did start being intimate again. At first, I had to act like he was acting..like it was no big deal...that we were still married and so might as well get sex from one another...but then slowly but surely other things started to happen. Little affectionate touches afterward, spooning in bed before falling asleep, etc. He and I did Not have sex for a while and slept in separate rooms, because at first, after we had sex..he did withdraw and I made a really big deal of it! That pushed him away further...and it took months to get him back into even wanting to have sex with me. He didn't want the emotional baggage that I had thrown at him...so my advice?
Keep having sex with your H, but keep things light. No R talks, just have fun... if he withdraws from time to time...let him be. He is confused and needs time to think. If you go getting all needy and pursue him...he'll run!
It's a pattern that we see a lot around here. I sure saw it in my H.
And good job on shaking things up a little by leaving earlier than you had to! Mystery is a wonderful thing..leave him guessing now and then...keeps him interested!
Thanks for your reassurances! You made me feel a whole lot better about things. My mind is in over-analyze mode this morning and I'm reading into everything that was said and done over the weekend...trying to get a determination as to what he wants a d or not! As you can guess, I can't figure him out!!!!
Quote: but then slowly but surely other things started to happen. Little affectionate touches afterward, spooning in bed before falling asleep, etc.
He held my hand after we ml!!!! You help me SEE the little things!!!!
Quote: No R talks, just have fun... if he withdraws from time to time...let him be. He is confused and needs time to think. If you go getting all needy and pursue him...he'll run!
Yes, yes...no r talks, just fun! That's what I aimed for this weekend. But was real unsure as to how much affection to give him. I didn't want to be all over him though I did hug him one time as were shopping!!!! Other than that I didn't try to hold his hand or anything unless he initiated.
Quote: And good job on shaking things up a little by leaving earlier than you had to! Mystery is a wonderful thing..leave him guessing now and then...keeps him interested!
I sure did want to stay!!!! But wanted to do things differently this time around.
Today I wait for him to call about the continuance notice he received via certified mail. I wonder what his response will be....does he want the d or will he give us 6 more months?
I am so glad for you! You did something different and I'll bet he noticed a lot more than he let on.
I know for my sitch there is a fine line between totally backing off and sometimes me initiating. H sometimes mentions things like, "you don't call often" or "if you feel like holding my hand, you should, do what you feel".
I can't take the do what you feel literally, thought, cause well, if I was doing what I really feel.... you know.:)
anyway, don't become so backed off that he must ALWAYS make any type of move. Once in a while throw in a invite to lunch or something. Not a big production thing, just a well placed brief touch can be nice and I think he will like it to.
Quote: because at first, after we had sex..he did withdraw
Yes, my H did too, it felt catastrophic at first, I cried for two days. I need to not go anywhere close to an R talk... it is a cheeseless tunnel and I always feel lousy. I can't stand hearing "I don't know what I want..."
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
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Cindy