OMG you gals are the best! I just am remembering the past I guess. I sent the txt - he said thx and he'd prob meet us at home anyhow at 5. Maybe he's not mad. I'm so confulsed. I don't know what is going on!
So who wasted a whole bunch of time getting her knickers in a twist about some thing that wasnt happening lol!
Next time you feel those feelings go remind yourself of this time, ok he might have been mad for a minute but if he was he rationlised it for himself and then agreed to meet at five.
Now you have to do the same about your panic moments, you cannot act out of fear of upsetting him! All that does is boost his control and make you lose yours.
Hopefully when he did arrive you had a pleasant time, I will stick my head in later and see how it went (())
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W 47 H 47 M 24 T 30
Once lost but now found and happily married again!
yes, LR, you are so right. I'm so glad you were all virtually here to help me through it.
I'm sure he was mad, but like you said, me staying calm got it all over in a jiffy. Yes, we'll see how tomorrow goes. I don't want to ruin the "progress" H and I have made by my panic. So off to a good day tomorrow, and I"ll be checking in with you as well to see how things are at Chez Rabbit. Hope you're being treated like the princess we all know you are
lr said: Now you have to do the same about your panic moments, you cannot act out of fear of upsetting him! All that does is boost his control and make you lose yours.
The topic of "chilling your beans" is interesting. It's hard not to act out of fear of upsetting and walking on eggshells. It seems to be a delicate balance. Hope it went well.
Thanks all it went fine. As I was driving home with S to meet H I thought, I wish H would have dinner ready for us - of course he won't that' "my job" as housewife. H was cooking dumplings when I arrived! It was nice.
H is putting S down now. I don't know how to act toward H. Same up and down. On the one hand, we seem to be making progress in the calm communication end. On the other hand there's this whole weekend mystery thing that I'm trying not to feel rejected by. I just don't know whether to be normal and hang out iwth him or be distant.
But as for my mood, I arrived "as if". It's a big 180 for me not to come at him with all my pent up feelings! Not that H will notice. He's stone cold.
We have MC tomorrow and I'm supposed to bring up how hurt I feel by his anger. I'm scared to death.
I feel like I have lived a long time out of fear of his anger - whether conscious or not. I make too many decisions based on this. Time to be brave and do what is right for me.
After H put S to bed he goes in to watch tv. Again sitting with my anger. He's gone all weekend and just watches tv alone when here. I go in to talk about S, and H turns on tv in the middle and just starts watching. He says I "interrupted" his show. The nerve. Damn me for wanting any connection when he is here.
Just feeling lonely and pathetic. All my power I felt when he was a way disappeared once he was here. I end up feeling so powerless and lame when he just is too busy in the house to even talk to me and is irritated when I'm interrupting his tv time! I guess I should face this is over.
Oh, and he said he wasn't angry at all about coming later today to be with S. I don't know which is worse, fearing he's angry when I set a boundary, or seeing that he could care less whether I do or don't, whether he sees S and I or not.
Have you thought he might be faking the couldnt care less either, think how you felt when you realised you had lost control over him for the first time, maybe he is feeling it too, OR he was being stroppy rather than losing his rag with you! petutant teenager mode.. Stick in there hun I know its not nice just mark it down to another day in the journey and stick you head up high again x
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W 47 H 47 M 24 T 30
Once lost but now found and happily married again!
Now when he shows up tonight, act normal. Not your tense-self trying to read his mood. OK? 