Hi l.t.- I wanted to respond to you because I have heard my H say some of the things your H has said. My H had moments of clarity, even over prolonged periods of time. We were in MC for almost 2 years and were getting along great. I decided I needed for things to move forward and gave my H a deadline of the end of the year to move back. He was planning on it but got cold feet. My H is paralyzed with depression and my patience with the situation has been worn too thin to let things continue as they were with everything was on his terms. We have had pretty much NC in the last month with the exception of a few talks...talks where my H has been perfectly clear claiming he is an idiot, he thinks I am wonderful, he can't imagine his life without me, etc. My H even admitted he is depressed and needs IC. He supposedly has started IC and presently is honoring my request for him to stay away. He did text me last week and said he missed me but that is about it. It has been extremely hard for me but it is starting to get a little easier.
I am telling you this because if you want a relationship with your H, you have to have NO (and I don't mean low) expectations. Because of all the things my H has said to me over the last year, I thought he was figuring things out. Sure, he has figured out some but he still has many more obstacles to get past before he could ever attempt to make his way back and he has to be willing to do the work to get there. At this point, I am better off at this point with NC because I feel my H got too comfortable with the way things were being able to come and go as he pleased. If you can, be there as your H's friend but still have your boundaries.
I have been told that when they are done baking, we will know it. I assume that means that we can see a real shift in not only their words but their actions. I hope that you see that shift in your H soon...but in the meantime remember NO EXPECTATIONS.
