...did it really matter if I just got a quick sexual thrill now and then from other than my husband? It was simply a thrill, what was the big damn deal? Certainly my taking care of my entire family was showing my true colors and the thrill was just a side thing that I "needed" because my husband didn't give me what I "needed". I "needed" it you see, therefore because it was a "need" of mine I was entitled to get that "need" met.
Feeling entitled or not hasn't been so much the issue. I'm not sure you understand what it's like to deal with a really strong HD. A lot of deprivation can lead to a sense of desperation where you do things that, looking back, you can hardly believe you took the risks. I never realized that when I decided to "hang tough" and be celibate and work it out. When I say desperation, I mean constant fantasizing and anticipation of sexual scenarios that could happen. And the more I resist, the more tempting the forbidden sexual fruit. It's like not trying to think of the pink elephant in the living room. If I do anything boring, my thoughts drift to possible sexual encounters all day long.
In sharp contrast, when I'm in a regular sexual relationship, I feel free of all this, as I'm secure in knowing I'll have fulfillment soon, and my fantasies are focused around that next encounter with the appropriate partner.
Which is why I can't take seriously suggestions like being single for a while and not dating for a year until "I know myself better". People who suggest things like stay out of dating because you don't want a rebound partner and all that... people who can pull off that kind of sustained sexual celibacy must be sexually dead in the first place, or so it would seem to me.
