I had The Boy himself yesterday and we went out to the coast for the day. STBXMRSSP texted at around 10 that she could take him any time today.
This morning he woke up and wanted pancakes, so I said that sounded good-and then he said he wanted to invite Mom.
*Sigh* Okay. If it's good for my kids, it's good for me.
So she and The Girl - whom she'd taken to Amusement Park yesterday with The Girl's BFF as a delayed birthday treat - arrive at Pancake House. STBXMRSSP exchanged the correct pleasantries (under the watchful eyes of Themselves, I noted) and engaged in small talk.
In accordance with the @Gypsy Paradigm, I was impeccable in my words-inquired about work, her father, her sister, etc. I listened to her travel stories. I answered a logistical question about my Forthcoming Business Trip and went back over the rules for The Boy's meds.
The Girl told me about her day, and the kids engaged in a spirited game of my-day-was-cooler-than-yours, we ate, and then over coffee STBXMRSSP asked if I had thought about plans for the week of the kids' spring break in 2.5 months.
Well no, no I hadn't.
I was thinking I would go to European Capital that week.
Boundary violation. So I stood up, announced to the kids it was time to go, and left the table to go pay the check. When she handed me her half of the bill, I took the money and nodded.
In the parking lot I passed her The Boy's gear and left without a word.
I was thinking I would go to European Capital that week. She might just as well have said, I was thinking I would go to shag Signore il Secondo rotten that week, since that's where he lives.
And today - in fact, right now - is the 1-year anniversary (according to her telling of the story) of the moment she "finally" made up her mind to dump me.
Happy Anniversary. This time last year sucked! Next year will soar! And look at how great you're doing now.
Great job at maintaining your boundaries. You heard her request, didn't take the emotional bait and moved on.
I understand how 'soon to be and/or former spousal activities' can rankle within. What they do in their life is none of your/my/our business. But it still causes that burst of negative energy.
Case in point. My darling daughter was resplendent last night for the semi formal dance. We peeked at photos taken last year and she looked equally lovely. Yet what I saw in the background was the original art painting the former spouse took as part of the marital division, even though it was mine! My first thought when I saw that image was FU.. thinking of him.
I reminded myself that stuff is stuff, I loved the paintings while I had them BUT the most important part of the photo is the face of my daughter.. what is the now, not the past.
As I was reading your post I heard my oldest answer the phone, say, "Hi, Dad.. what are you doing in Japan?" My mind started gnawing on that old bone.. I remember asking him those questions, being part of what is going on. Wait.. I have nothing to do with him and am just happy not knowing anything about him. How can that be after knowing someone almost three decades. God I hate talking to him. Ugh, I have to deal with his email. Chomp chomp chomp on de bone. Perspective assuages the emotions.
I'd like to go dancing with you sometime.. the waltzy type. You're light on your feet sidestepping minefields.
*hugs*
Last edited by Gypsy; 01/31/1007:53 PM. Reason: Cause I wanted to write in this spot
STBXMRSSP just called. Gosh. The Boy Himself isn't cooperating. He seems angry. Does he do these things XYZ with you?
No, can't say he does.
Why am I so lucky?
Can't say. Why not ask him?
He'll just say he hates me.
Maybe he does at that moment.
That's a really cruel thing to say.
I hear you say from your point-of-view that's a cruel thing to say. Anything else?
Why did you storm off this morning? I thought it went well.
If you don't know, nothing I can say will make a difference. Neither here nor there. Worlds colliding. Is there anything else?
It's because of European Capital, isn't it?
Goodbye, STBXMRSSP, I will --
[fast-talking]--But I've been really hurt about that for the past 10 days because it didn't work out, and since then I --
[Setting new ring-tone on mobile to make it go off] Oh! There's my cell phone! Work -- better take it. Goodbye. *Click*
So there you have it. No puzzle at all. Just like the first time, when she was in a mad rush to "see if there's a spark between us" after Signore 1 dumped her, her "no pressure" "just putting it out there" "anytime you like" "no expiration date" non-date-asking-out-on date-asking-out-on was apparently precipitated by being dumped by Signore 2, because "10 days ago" was January 21 and the putative Puzzle was January 22.
Sheesh! Do I have "consolation prize" stamped on my forehead or something?
You missed the perfect opportunity to tell her "yes, go wherever you want, whenever you want. I won't be traveling unless I have to for work. I want to spend my time with the children," and then give those 2 cuties a great big hug!
You missed the perfect opportunity to tell her "yes, go wherever you want, whenever you want. I won't be traveling unless I have to for work. I want to spend my time with the children," and then give those 2 cuties a great big hug!
