I had wondered what happened to you. GIMA is right, counseling will help you to cope with your feelings of depression. Marital problems must be some of the most traumatic to deal with and divorce is essentially an act of violence as it splits the "one" into "two". There is no really easy or soothing way to do that even when you feel there is no other option. Remember, this too shall pass. I know that doesn't really help but it is true.
I had wondered what happened to you. GIMA is right, counseling will help you to cope with your feelings of depression. Marital problems must be some of the most traumatic to deal with and divorce is essentially an act of violence as it splits the "one" into "two". There is no really easy or soothing way to do that even when you feel there is no other option. Remember, this too shall pass. I know that doesn't really help but it is true.
(((Mark)))
Absolutely true. And something I am constantly reminding myself of these days. It WILL get easier.
Damn, but it hurts so much to read others' matching stories.
The most hurtful part, for me, is the absolutely no communication, no warning, no chance to see if anything could change. "Found someone else, goodbye."
Do we think that part of that refusal to talk about what's going on is the WAS need to just "shut the door, don't think about it, don't admit to yourself how much pain you are causing?"
I'm battling depression/anxiety, too. Counseling, counseling, meds. I also just picked up "the mindful way through depression."
As trying to "accept what is" is necessary to surviving the current sitch, and is a basic cornerstone of Buddhism, which I always aspire too, I will do my best to read this book. I haven't made it through a single self-help book (except DR/DB) in this whole time.
Well. Peace to all of us. Keep our minds focused on what we can control.
Me: 44 Him: 42 Together: 23 years; never married Bomb: August 1, 2009 Affair since May 2009 Walk away; no conversation; no process
In short, I have come to realize that the majority of the reason my W sees D as the only option is she is unhappy with her life. She thinks I am the reason she is unhappy, but she's wrong. And only time and seperation from me will show her that. It's sad that my family will be torn apart for her to learn this lesson, IF she ever does. But, I have the peace of knowing that, unlike my W, I did everything I could to save our M and family. If my best wasn't good enough, then the problem wan't ME. It's HER.
I'm hoping my H doesn't have to break up our family to learn this lesson too. It seems as though that's what's going to happen.
M44 H41 M20 T23 3 older teens Bomb Nov 09 "i'm not happy" EA Nov 09 w/coworker Another PA in Mar 10 I Filed Apr 10 D final Dec 10
EXACTLY...right there with you...Everyone is telling me the same thing including the people in her family...In my case I've actually had two separate people in the last few days ask me if I thought my wife may be bipolar...this is a good group of people to get support from, I'll say that... [quote=luvless] In short, I have come to realize that the majority of the reason my W sees D as the only option is she is unhappy with her life. She thinks I am the reason she is unhappy, but she's wrong. And only time and seperation from me will show her that. It's sad that my family will be torn apart for her to learn this lesson, IF she ever does. But, I have the peace of knowing that, unlike my W, I did everything I could to save our M and family. If my best wasn't good enough, then the problem wan't ME. It's HER.
I know for a fact my W will never come back. It took me a long time to get into DB'ing as I was so strung out I was not listening to the advice I was given.
The problem is you cannot compete with another man/woman, and the only thing you can do is concerntrate on you and your children and hope your WAS comes to their senses or the affair fizzles out. The other issue for me is would I want someone back who has deceived me and been with somebody else. The dynamics of the relationship would never be the same again.
I still love my W but I want somebody who loves me and is willing to discuss issues as they arise. Basically, we are all here to try to rebuild our lives and get the great support and advice to move on. I love to read the success stories and wish this was me, but as has already been said, I can sleep at night knowing I tried to do everything to try and restore our M but she had already gone.
Bomb dropped: 19/12/08 Me:48 WAW:41 D:10 S:6 Married: 15 years
I bumped into one of the mothers from my childrens school yesterday. I could not help asking her if she had seen my W in the school playground.
She said she had seen her just before christmas and said she always looked good and is always in new clothes when she see her. She also went on to say she seemed very intense and stressed, even saying "I am so stressed, the weight is just dropping off me".
I wish I had not asked as it hurts to think she is now in a PA with OM, looking great and is probably lying about the fact she is stressed as a smokescreen to get sympathy.
I find it hard to believe somebody that you were intimate with for fifteen years, had two lovely children with, can turn into the most nasty, agressive, vindictive person who I just do not know anymore. She wants the divorce, and yet you would think I asked for it!
When I pick the children up from her parents house, the door opens, the children come out and the door closes. She makes every effort not to engage in visual contact, is it because she hates me that much, or is it a guilty conscience, though I would not believe it is this as she has shown no pity or loss at all.
Bomb dropped: 19/12/08 Me:48 WAW:41 D:10 S:6 Married: 15 years
I went to court yesterday for the first time. I was treading seeing my W for the first time in 6 months. She was there with her parents, who by the way have not contacted me since we split which was 14 months ago. I said hello out of instinct and politeness, my father-in-law said hello, but my m-in-l just ignored me.
As I sat listening to both sets of lawyers discussing our case, with my W sitting opposite me, I could not help but wonder how it has got to this. 15 years of marriage, two children, ups and downs of everyday life, and now she won't even talk to me - like two strangers with no history whatsoever.
I hear she is now involved in another R and wants things resolved as quickly as possible. I feel very depressed and cannot help but think about her and the children. I feel very isolated and lonely, she walked away from our M without any regret or emotion.
To everybody out there trying to DB, do so with everything you have got. It's all about the long game - patience, patience, patience.
Can anybody offer me some comfort as I have trouble seeing any light at the end of an endless tunnel.
Bomb dropped: 19/12/08 Me:48 WAW:41 D:10 S:6 Married: 15 years
I learnt this week my W is now seeing somebody officially. When I went through her bank statements during the declaration of assets form filling, I checked her cell phone bills for the times we were on holiday. I feel as low as I have ever been.
I was shocked to see one monthly bill was £147 during our skiing holiday, and the first summer holiday without me was £210. She was clearly in touch with OM then, which means it has been going on for around a year.
I should have known something was wrong, but I never noticed anything out of the ordinary. I know I have been in denial but it does not make this any easier.
What I cannot understand is why she is so angry with ME, hurtful texts, saying I was a terrible lover, not supportive, not even wanting me to have a decent divorce settlement so I can re-build my life and the childrens.
You would think I asked for the divorce. I never womanised, drank or was physical with her, all I tried to do was the best for my W and family.
Does anybody have any thoughts on why she is behaving like this?
Bomb dropped: 19/12/08 Me:48 WAW:41 D:10 S:6 Married: 15 years
