He's doing the same thing my wife did... he's obscuring the truth. He has this idea that if he says something HONEST, any lies in there don't count... it's an assinine way to think but he's gonna do it anyways.
He DOES consider her a friend, so when he tells you she's a friend he doens't think he's lying... TELL HIM outright if he isnt' going to be FULLY HONEST with you then you will NOT HEAR anymore and get up... walk away.. make a scene if you have to.
DO NOT SAY ANYTHING other than asserting those boundaries.... Let him talk... don't interrupt... if he watis for a response don't give him one.. its a TEST.
You aren't in shape right now to negotiate with him directly... he's effectively holding a gun at your head and expecting to have a NICE conversation that will justify him both ending an affair and reconcilling... its outright ridiculous, but wayward spouses do thsi all the time.
What YOU need to do is call the shots, whatever he sets up, change it so it suits YOU.
Whatever he offers just tell him you will think about it at best but if its BS then just ignore it and leave... ANYTHING he does or says thats below acceptable to you get up and WALK.. and DON'T stop.. end the meeting so he knows you are SERIOUS
If you start to walk away and come back, he's leading you like a dog on a leash and you deserve better.
If you get up and leave... do it and don't stop... show him you wont tolerate treatment below standard.
He will respect you for this... he will throw a tantrum, but you will have his respect. That's what he's looking for is a mature civilized demonstration of leadership to give him HOPE... give that to him.... you set the standards and walk if you get anything less.
