feel like giving up - talk to me!

[luvless]

I have read and reread your stuff ST - I'm hearing you. I know sometimes I don't listen but I am learning.

I had a terrible night - last night got ugly H said in front of the kids at the table, "f*ck all of you guys." He had said something negative to me and my S19 said, "oh no you didn't dad" basically calling him on his behavior. H did not like that so he lashed out.

He said all kinds of nasty negative stuff to me last night including, "what if i was pretending this whole time" (that he loved me) he was texting a couple friends. I read them this morning - H said to a coworker guy, "I'm on the verge of leaving but don't have nowhere to go."

He has been sarcastic and disgusting. This morning he was a little more cordial but still being a jerk. I said, "give me a little time I wanna talk to you." He didn't want to talk said, "I have nothing to say." I said, "show me some respect and listen to me for a minute. He did.

I said, "look...I'm sorry you are unhappy but if this is over I want you to know I'm not leaving with the attitude or feeling that my marriage was miserable." I was content and ok and I did love you (he stated last night he didn't feel loved) I then said, "I'm willing to do what it takes to save our marriage but I need to know...are you?" He says, "I can't answer that question right now." I take that as a no! how else do I take it?

He says, "I want you to know I'll never hurt you." I replied, "what do you mean? you've hurt me more than ever these last three months." He grabbed my face with both hands and kissed me. I just don't get it.

Anyway...I think I'm heading towards divorce faster than I thought. I am not confused anymore. I know what is headed my way. I want to close the door to my heart.

ST- I think about what you've been through all the time and how I can apply that to my situation. I just don't know if my H loves me anymore - that is the difference between yours and my situation. Your H still loved you.

......a very hurt Luv