DanceQueen, I have to agree with most of what you say. And it means a lot to me because you were in the same situation, so it's not as theoretical as it is for other people giving me advice. Just like so many people say they'd dump their spouse immediately if they caught them cheating. And in reality, many don't do so because they never pictured what they'd be giving up, or that the situation could be salvaged. So, all too often friends give advice like "get out of the marriage", as you know. Not happy in marriage, well, then happier out of the marriage. The logic is so simple when it's not YOUR marriage.
Originally Posted By: DanceQueen
So all the time I was making sure we had happy family group memories, was now a "fake" time in their minds, because they can see now and look back and realize it was "fake".
I still disagree with this. It applies to parents who don't get along at all. Otherwise, I don't think that what happens in their parents' bedroom is the main determinant of the fakeness of family events, especially as seen by the kids, or even the parents for that matter. If you want to talk about self-justification, now that sounds like the kind of thing people say in order to feel better about their divorce. I don't buy it.
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What I should have done was leave much, much earlier, gone straight into couples counseling, have some very direct discussions about our lives, our love life, and our future goals, and decide when we, our children and our marriage were all very young whether should pursue our own marriage or not.
And, as you know, I did just that, much earlier, straight into couples counseling, and we had some very direct discussions.
