This is the problem with a lot of standard FT and IC's. They don't understand the emotional dynamics of marriages facing critical junctures. They take what each spouse says and does at face value alone.
My wife and I went to one FT while she was having an affair and on our FIRST DAY the FT asks my wife outright "are you willing to work on your marriage?" I challenged her immediately and told her my wife is NOT in a state of mind right now to make such a weighty decision... you barely even know us. This FT had some ridiculous idea that my wife was able to make a rational life-altering decision in her state of mind... while my wife at the time could barely put a sentence together she was so confused and stressed.
Your H is very likely in that same state...having an infatuation AND a long term commitment in your head at the same time generates a GREAT deal of inner turmoil and stress.. while the affair is secret this is minimal as the WS thinks (well she doens't know so i dont' feel that bad right now).
While he is in this state he's dangerous and needs positive marrige-safe influences to guide him home again is all.
When he's feeling better and he has the affair out of his system he will thank his friends for helping him through such a rough time, but right now he's likley a complete mess. He is drawn to you, we just need to work on him more. I woudln't give too much thought to his filing for D, couples change their mind at the eleventh hour all the time... its more of an impulse to end the pain is all.... He doens't realise there's hope and better ways of dealing with his unhappiness... consider it similar to a suicide attempt... he feels lousy adn wants to end it all... it doen'st mean he's going to do it... It just means he can't see an alternative.
YOU will be that alternative. What you may want to do is consider taking really good care of yourself... start doing interesting things, jog, buy some new clothing, be on the phone a lot.. He will get curious...
This is all in Divorce Remedy and Not Just Friends if you have them... if not I strongly suggest you buy them.
