Hi again everyone, Well the next R phone call finally came a couple of nights ago; I guess it went pretty well. I really wish I could remember every thing that was said, but the whole thing runs through my mind like the tornado scene in the wizard of oz, like so many random flashes. I feel so bad for him; he is so depressed and desperate. He said that he just wants to be happy again, said he has lost everything (even used the term rock bottom), must have said it twenty times. He said he wants to be happy like we were before all of this but doesn’t know how, he doesn’t want it to be like during the time when he left (while in mlc but wont admit it) He said we’re all he thinks about. He had called me on Nov.11 to let me know that he knew what day it was and that he had not forgotten (our aniv.) Repeatedly says how did this happen? I don't get it. I just want to be happy. Then he said why do you think I call you all the time, I don't want to talk about work I just want to talk to you, don't you get that? he'll say things like we were so happy and then two minutes later say he was miserable for years, followed again by you're all I ever think of. Says I am his best friend (this is something he always said before mlc) Funny though the first time he said he was so unhappy I said "well I guess that proves that I was not the problem" he replied "I know it's me I need to get my head together." he seems to be trying at least, to work out some of his issues, seems like his head is spinning inside trying to find the way back. We also talked briefly about a conversation we had over the summer, he had asked if he could still talk to me if we got a D and I had told him no, that would be it, nothing left to say. He said he could not do that he could not stand that, no, I’m not going to do that, period. And also said many times during the conversation that "I don't know why you even talk to me, if it was me I wouldn’t" Normally after one of these conversations he would call the next day and act as if it never happened, this time he brought up some of the things that were said. I just wish I knew what to say to him that would help, any thoughts would be greatly appreciated.
