You don't necessarily have to play hard to get. When was the last time you spoke with him? If it's been a while, just go over and say hi, ask him how he is and then leave. Don't start any conversations with him, let him lead.
Just say you don't want the D, be calm, don't let him push buttons or make you say something you don't want to say either.
I last spoke to him Monday the 13th. I guess I can say hi. I don't want to seem pathetic. He said a lot of mean stuff to me on the 13th, very hurtful stuff. I'm afraid of what he'll say. I'll try tonight see what happens. It seems like he talks to me like i'm joe-blow off the street...not his w just SOME BODY!
I'll let you now what happens, of course. Thanks for your advice.
I read up on your situation. It's a hurtful place to be when the h can't decide what they want. They seem to want to be with you and with ow...want you to chase them. That's pathetic if you ask me...wants you to massage his ego while he hurts you. Selfish!
Keep your chin up, girl! WE all say things we regret every now and then...the good thing is is that it is a brand new day and you can start over!
Yes I plan to say just that. I worry that he'll countersue, pushing for the d. He has threatened to do just that! He'll get notice in the mail tomorrow...so then I'll know how he REALLY feels!
Remember Cindy, he is alien right now. So he may countersue,but that doesn't mean that is how he really feels. My ex said she hated me, despised me and regretted ever meeting me. Then we dated for 6 weeks, and were intimate. So they don't always mean what they say.
I'm estatic today on this roller coaster ride! We are on a high roll today!
My h called me last night and invited me over. He pushed to ml but I stopped him and said I could not be a piece of ass. I said that we are 3 weeks from the big d and I need to know if this ml will mean anything. After all that h said last Monday, I was still hurt. He apologized and he said that ml would not mean he was not mad at me or that he could trust me but it did mean that he loves me. I took it for what it was worth that he loved me (after the horror of what he said last Monday for him to be here is a miracle!) and prayerfully the dismissal of the d will be the next step! (I hope I wasn't just a piece!!!)
I'm so glad to be back in there with h again!!! Yes, he's still an alien but at least he's admitted some real feelings and not just hurtful comments...something to work off of, trust and resolving anger. (I noticed too that he'd been calling around for a counselor!)
Me and my ex ml while the D was being discussed, and even after we had signed the papers. I thought it meant something, I guess it did at the time. Later when I asked her she said we were just getting it on. I didn't find out until months after the divorce that us ml during the time before the D was final could have been considered reconcilation in the eyes of the court. If I had known that at the time, I would have stopped the D. But this is a good sign, it may mean a lot of different things, but he is still attracted to you at the very least.
Yes that is my fear that it is only us getting it on because he said nothing definite about the d other than to acknowledge that it was 3 weeks away.
I'll let my attorney know we are still intimate so that could help my case for the continuance. My h will get notice of the continuance today so we may have words about it later.
Ok, I feel like a dolt. My mind is ASSuming! He said he only said he loved me because he meant it (but what about the undisclosed, written ILY to the OW...did he mean that too? He said it was only something to SAY to her...I guess to get a piece?)
He says he's angry and doesn't trust me...well I've lived that way with him for the past 7 years because he was so uninvolved and unable to give us affection....WHAT ABOUT THAT!!!??? Should I tell him this? I want to leave him a voicemail.
And then he didn't call me last night...yes I need to have no expectations but I feel used by him in that he ignores me after sex. Gosh why can't I get rid of this feeling? I shouldn't have let him sweet-talk me into doing it. I think I should have stuck to my guns about holding out for something more permanent!!!!
Quote: He says he's angry and doesn't trust me...well I've lived that way with him for the past 7 years because he was so uninvolved and unable to give us affection....WHAT ABOUT THAT!!!??? Should I tell him this? I want to leave him a voicemail.
Have you told him this SAME thing in the past? IF you have, then he's already heard it. Maybe he doesn't know how to give affection, maybe he doesn't know how to be involved. Remember his background? He's a mess and there's nothing you can do to change the last seven years.
No expectations, don't call him, don't leave him a voicemail. If he's angry then stay away, he said what he needed to say. You could say something like, you seem very angry right now so until you calm down I'm going to leave or just walk away, don't get pulled into his mood. If he says he doesn't trust you say something like "I know you don't trust me, I know are past hasn't been the best.
