He needs to WANT that boundary first... He won't suggest it, and I think its likley easiest if a MC does it rather than you.
I would not allow anything to be said. There are some experts who reccomend you shut him out entirely and ask an intermediary to negotiate about finances and childen's issues.
The thing is, he DOES want to talk to you and see you and need you. The problem is you are readilly available. If you shut him out entirely then he may start to feel that need much more strongly. He's getting access to you now in small doses as it is.
In my home I stopped talking COMPLETELY. I told her i would not even hear or read emails from her and that they would be directed to the trashbin.
I was out all the time, I moved out of the bedroom etc... she hated that... she WANTED access to me AND her OM. So I just took AWAY what she wanted and she realized she wanted it...
Often that's how humans behave, they don't realize they want something until you take it away from them. Your H may likley respond to that happening.
If you can get someone to sit with him and your kids so YOU aren't there, it is less access.
I would make it clear in a note that you WANT to work on the marriage but cannot work while an affair is taking place. Simply stating until she is gone, you don't want to have anything to do with him. Make sure he understands how much you are hurting.
I would NOT talk to him face to face at ALL... He can't miss you if you give him access to you whenever he wants... does that make sense?
We can put it this way, when your H IS there you likley don't miss him... But when he's gone THEN the pain sets in right? Well that means you need to be gone for that to happen on his end.
