Sounds like H has a drinking problem. Have you considered this? I could be way off base, but sure does sound like it to me.
You say he's the man of your dreams when he is drunk. That tells me his personality changes when he is drinking...and yet, you also paint him as very impatient, self-centered, and selfish...everything has to revolve around him. You have also pointed out that he has anger issues, as well.
It really sounds to me like you need some advice from Alanon in addition to db'ing. Have you considered going for yourself? Alanon address issues that spouses of alcoholics are faced with....
If I am way off base here, sorry...if not, hope this helps.
